Ladies: next time someone mocks your hairy legs, just tell them you ain't playin' no Hunger Games.
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) March 12, 2012
From here on out I'm replacing 'Gluttonous Overeating' with 'Fattening up for the Hunger Games'.
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) March 12, 2012
While i'm at it, gonna replace 'Drinking like a Fish' with 'Handling Stress from the Hunger Games'.
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) March 12, 2012
At the insistence of the 25 year-old I'm about to get very stoned and head over to Hollywood to see "The Lorax"...
— Bret Easton Ellis (@BretEastonEllis) March 11, 2012
When the trailer for The Dark Knight Rises is better than any actual movie you've seen so far in 2012 you have to realize the game is up...
— Bret Easton Ellis (@BretEastonEllis) March 12, 2012
After seeing studio bummers this week like Project X and The Lorax I'm going to stop movie-bitching because no one cares anymore. It's over.
— Bret Easton Ellis (@BretEastonEllis) March 12, 2012
The last few nights I've fallen asleep with the tv on. Its off when I wake up in the morning, I never remember turning it off. Creeps me out
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) March 12, 2012
If you see someone over the age of 9 wearing sweatpants, pull them aside & say "Friend, you're wearing sweatpants." They might not know.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 12, 2012
HOLY FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHIT#walkingdead
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) March 12, 2012
Oh my god oh my god oh my god#Walkingdead
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) March 11, 2012
A$$ so phat I need a lap dance!!!!
— Rihanna (@rihanna) March 12, 2012
I beat the p*ssy up
— Rihanna (@rihanna) March 12, 2012
I'm on my level yea
— Rihanna (@rihanna) March 12, 2012
I walk around the club, fuck errbody!!!
— Rihanna (@rihanna) March 12, 2012
Duffle bag too heavy to carry to the car
— Drizzy (@Drake) March 12, 2012
Twitter should start notifying people '@.............has blocked you! What a scream!
— boygeorge (@BoyGeorge) March 12, 2012
Gonna try to fall back asleep
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) March 12, 2012
This Spring Foward shit is a Beast! All week ill be saying "if this was last week I wouldn't be an hour late"! TeamDl
— DL Hughley (@RealDlHughley) March 12, 2012
i read about women who give birth in the back of a taxi but never read about any who've terminated pregnancy there #notsoupliftingstories
— h. jon benjamin (@HJBenjamin) March 12, 2012
There is nothing like seeing a sparrow trapped in an airport terminal for making you want to scratch at the windows in blind panic.
— hodgman (@hodgman) March 12, 2012
Whoa, that's a single rainbow all the way! instagr.am/p/IFWjxOC9h4/
— Eli Roth (@eliroth) March 12, 2012
If you don't drink coffee today you will have an excuse for all of the stupid shit you do.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) March 12, 2012
Many people ask me to review things. As I see them, I will do so.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 12, 2012
BREAKING: iPad 3 Shatters Sales Record for Item No One Needs #apple #ipad3 #iPadHD
— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) March 12, 2012
Tip:you can save a step in the morning by putting mouthwash on your cereal instead of milk.
— Rob Huebel (@robhuebel) March 12, 2012
Had a lovely time doing #90210 it will air tomorrow!!!
— La Toya Jackson (@latoyajackson) March 12, 2012
I'm getting all the benefits of religion by simply Pretending.It's all of the benefits of actual belief without the hypocrisy. Amen!
— Maria Bamford (@mariabamfoo) March 12, 2012
The Californication I directed was on last night.Woke up this morning thinking I should tweet about it. How's my self promotion going???
— Helen Hunt (@HelenHunt) March 12, 2012
Just saw a guy I know. We mouthed "What's up?" to each other as if we were both wearing headphones or on the phone, but neither of us were.
— Ted Alexandro (@tedalexandro) March 12, 2012
Had a good meeting with Peyton Manning. Think it's between me and Denver. He's not crazy about taking my kids to school.
— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) March 12, 2012
I just rubbed sanitizer all over a crazy person.
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) March 12, 2012
I feel my mind soul and spirit arrive today for the 1at time.But they've been with me since I was born on a day that wasn't even a day.
— Gary Busey (@THEGaryBusey) March 12, 2012
I feel so free
— Gary Busey (@THEGaryBusey) March 12, 2012
If you honk "shave and a haircut" at me from your car, we're no longer friends.
— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) March 12, 2012