Natalie Portman Is Officially Off The Market

Levi Johnston thinks Bristol Palin’s a bad mom, Amanda Bynes gets into yet another hit-and-run, JLo and her boyfriend are on the rocks, and more in our first-ever Gossip Roundup. posted on

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Natalie Portman officially wed French dancer-choreographer Benjamin Millepied over the weekend. Though they wore wedding bands at this year’s Oscars, the pair made it official at a Jewish ceremony in Big Sur, California. The couple has a 13-month old son together.

Actual details about the occasion are limited so far — you can see a few aerial paparazzi shots here — but Macaulay Culkin is said to have been a guest. So take that, National Enquirer!

[via Us Weekly]

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Amanda Bynes has been accused of a third (or is it fourth now?) hit-and-run incident. According to the police report, Bynes struck a woman’s Toyota Carolla on Ventura Boulevard in San Fernando Valley. According to the driver, Bynes was “nervous” to exchange insurance information and “looked like a hot mess.” Let’s all hope she doesn’t reach out to the President for help again this time.

[via TMZ]

Ethan Miller / Getty Images

Jennifer Lopez “is absolutely going to break up with” her 24-year-old boyfriend Casper Smart. A week after Capser was photographed outside of an NYC peep show (just a day before her 43rd birthday!) rumors of a split are coming out of the woodwork. Here are a few choice quotes:

“He’s moved into her life – and a little too easily, too. I think her family is watching him closely.” — People

“Jen is currently on tour with Enrique Iglesias, and Casper is the head choreographer of her show in which he also dances. … This isn’t Jen’s first tour and she has been feeling more like Casper’s babysitter than girlfriend. Casper likes to hang out and party with the other dancers and that just isn’t Jen’s scene.” — Radar

“Jennifer is the kind of girl who doesn’t like to be alone. Until she finds a replacement, I think, he’s around.” — People

“Casper will most likely be sent packing when the tour ends in Miami. Jen admits that she fell for Casper and that he was exactly what she needed at the time to help get over her painful split with Marc, but she is just ready to move on now.” — Radar

Rick Diamond / Getty Images

Kristen Bell is so not embarrassed by the video of her having an emotional breakdown over the chance to meet a sloth that went viral. She explained to Esquire, “Who doesn’t like sloths?”

[Sloth pic via Your Daily Baby Sloth]

A “disgusted” Levi Johnston told TMZ that he wants to file for full custody of son Tripp due to his ex Bristol’s lack of “real parenting”. He suggested that his son “deserves a better family” and that he “will do whatever it takes to make sure he is raised the right way.” The wrong way being to expose bad parenting skills to national audience through a reality show called Bristol Palin: Life’s A Tripp?

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Robsten Is Totally Broken, Day 13: While Robert Pattinson was spotted for the first time at the Deer Lodge in Ojai, California, Kristen Stewart could apparently use a shower. According to Radar,

“Kristen hasn’t showered or changed or washed her hair in several days,” the insider reveals. “She is laying around in her T-shirt and shorts and eating ice cream. She really wants to believe that she can win back Rob, but I think deep down she knows that isn’t the case.”

[Celebitchy via Radar]

Lana Del Rey posed for Vogue Italia with a cat (among other things).

[via Vogue]

Legendary whiner and British citizen Morrissey is not enjoying the olympics. He published a statement on his website:

I am unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event. Has England ever been quite so foul with patriotism? The “dazzling royals” have, quite naturally, hi-jacked the Olympics for their own empirical needs, and no oppositional voice is allowed in the free press. It is lethal to witness. As London is suddenly promoted as a super-wealth brand, the England outside London shivers beneath cutbacks, tight circumstances and economic disasters. Meanwhile the British media present 24-hour coverage of the “dazzling royals”, laughing as they lavishly spend, as if such coverage is certain to make British society feel fully whole. In 2012, the British public is evidently assumed to be undersized pigmies, scarcely able to formulate thought.

[via Vulture]

• Here are photos of Ryan Lochte leaving a London club and getting handsy with two ladies in a cab. Also, Michael Phelps partying with his medals in hand.

Jennifer Aniston forgot to wear a bra, has “fripples”.

• Does Ryan Gosling have man cleavage or is he just ripped?

Brigitte Nielsen was photographed drunk and falling over in a park. Somebody, please alert Dr. Drew!

Joining Courtney Stodden and hubby Doug on season 2 of VH1 series Couples Therapy will be Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen, of Real Housewives Of New York fame. I use the word “fame” loosely. At least Simon is real.

Mark Wahlberg has slapped his name on a protein complex called “Marked”, for all you juice-heads and beefcakes out there.

Sharon Osbourne is rumored to be quitting America’s Got Talent after her son Jack was cut from the NBC series Stars Earn Stripes after he revealed his recent diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.

Nick Jonas really, really wants to be a judge on the new season of American Idol.

• Speaking of Idol, let Steven Tyler explain why he signed on as a judge in the first place: “I just wanted to sit next to J.Lo and Randy [Jackson]. I never watched Idol.” Actually, that explains a lot.

Khloe Kardashian is one of six people being considered for a spot in the judges table on X Factor. What is this, reality show judge-wrangling season?

• The Congress of Aboriginla Peoples are pretty pissed off at Justin Bieber. In the latest edition of Rolling Stone, he said the following: “I’m actually part Indian, think Inuit or something? I’m enough per cent that in Canada I can get free gas.” A rep explains, “That’s a term that our people in Canada have been moving away from for years.”

• Yikes, after Matt Lauer used the term “Indian giver” on the Today Show this morning, it sounds like he might be hearing from the same group as the Biebs did.

Alexander Skarsgard went to see the Total Recall reboot all by himself this weekend. Women of America, where the hell were you?

Project Runway’s Nina Garcia has absolutely no idea how much the average American’s paycheck is. Rich people, am I right?

Azealia Banks and Kreayshawn have kissed, made up, and are probably going to collaborate on some music soon. A collab between the two could be good, or it could be really, really bad.

The Wanted strike a pose for Glamour magazine.

Thomas Lennon will appear on the new season of How I Met Your Mother as the man Victoria left at the altar for Ted.

Young Buck (formerly of G-Unit) checked into prison today. He’s serving an 18-month sentence for gun possession.

• You probably won’t be able to vote for Roseanne Barr for President of the US, even if you wanted to.

• Here’s another image from the set of The Carrie Diaries — aka that Sex And The City prequel nobody wanted but we got anyway.

• Oh, and Jessica Simpson is said to have lost 35 pounds.

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