Every Important Moment From "Brooklyn, 11223"

Attention, Brooklynites: your borough has just been desecrated. Brace yourselves — you're about to feel like residents of the Jersey Shore probably feel every time Snooki and The Situation get airtime on MTV.

Herewith, all of the highlights (er, lowlights) from last night's nationally-televised premiere:

I'm pretty sure Angelina is my favorite...