Google: We Think We Should Just Be Friends

It's time to finally have "the talk" with Google+

technobezz.com

Dear Google,

We need to talk.

This has gone on for a long time now, and we’ve hoped that you’d take the hint, but that obviously hasn’t happened. So we need to be very blunt about it.

Rejection is unpleasant for everyone involved, and telling someone you don't like them when they’ve given you so much can destroy a friendship. We hope that doesn’t happen. We think you're really cool, we still want to be friends, but we’re never going to be more than that. We think you deserve to hear that.

We don’t want to hurt your feelings. We’ve treasured the moments where you’ve helped us find movie times or when we couldn’t remember where we pay our electric bill, but you’re obviously more invested in this than we are. You’re holding out for something that isn’t going to happen.

weknowmemes.com

We weren’t interested in Google Wave. We tried it, but it just didn’t feel right, and the whole time we were thinking, “I miss when it was just me and Gmail.” Maybe the timing was bad for us; we know that you worked very hard to impress us with that. But then you tried to win us over with Google Buzz and it was embarrassing for both of us. And now with Google+ you’re genuinely making us angry.

We’re not interested in Google+. We’re never going to be. We like Facebook. We also like Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Reddit. Those guys just get us – they’re not so needy and they give us space to breathe. Sometimes, we only want 140 characters worth of a relationship. We don’t want someone who tries to force us to update our status whenever we just want to check our email.

Things obviously aren’t sparking the way you’d like them to, and it’s making you even needier. In a recent survey of social media activity, Google+ lost to “Other.” That’s like running for student body president and losing to “This school sucks” and “Bart Simpson” – it’s not a sign that you should just run again next year. It’s a sign you should settle for chess club president.

marketingland.com

Now, Google, your jealousy is ruining our relationship with YouTube. We are really happy with the place we’re at with YouTube right now. But a year ago, you made us link our YouTube accounts to our Google+. That bothered us, but we didn’t say anything. We should have. And now you’re interfering with the way we comment on videos. Please stop. We don’t want you to touch our YouTube. It makes us feel uncomfortable.

imgur.com

We don’t want you out of our lives – we really do like you, Google – we like you so much we made a verb out of your name. We like your search engine and we like Gmail. We still want to be able to hang out with you, but we want the freedom to see other online platforms.

Google, you have so much to offer someone! You are the No. 1 website in the world and your stock price just went over $1,000 a share! That’s so great for you – but we aren’t great for each other. It’s time to realize that and move on.

Sometimes when you’re trying to get into a relationship, friends or relatives will tell you, “Just be persistent!” This is (almost) always bad advice. A little persistence can occasionally turn a friend into a lover, but too much persistence can turn a friend into an enemy.

despair.com / Via demotivators.despair.com

A lopsided relationship where one person is trying to wear the other one down will make one side feel frustrated and the other side feel guilty. Eventually both sides will become angry. If it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t going to work out. We want to just be friends, but if you keep this up, we won’t even want to be that anymore.

We’re sorry, Google. We’re just not that into you.

-The Internet