Single Girl Statuses We’re Sick Of

Social media is a sea of knowledge, and also of useless information. These are the single girl status updates we are so sick of reading.

“Getting #Fit”

So, you’re at the gym? Are you eating healthy food? Do you even squat? I’m sure if you’re a #fitchick, the answer to all of those is YES. The harsh truth is that no one cares if she’s working out. In my opinion, the ones who are actually working out and making progress are too busy doing reps to post about it.

“Thinking about dying my hair. Blonde or brunette?”

She is a sponge desperate for attention to soak up. The miscalculation is that the people who respond to her status at noon on a Wednesday are the best judges of character. The people who matter are at work.

#SelfieSaturday

Another selfie? Please don’t ruin my weekend with a forehead close up. To the people that continue to life selfie surpluses, stop feeding the beast.

"When somebody does a stupid thing that bothers you.”

A recent trend is to post sentence fragments that are somehow relatable about something generally shitty. For example: “When you’ve been waiting in line for an hour and realize you forgot your wallet.” It sounds like she’s just dumb. I suggest spending more time bringing your wallet and less time updating your status.

“Is everyone but me getting married/pregnant?”

To answer this sniffling single girl woe, no. Everyone is not getting married and pregnant. Chances are, she is in her 20's. While premature for most, some are indeed tying the knot and popping out bundles of joy during this time. Try to be happy for them, or at least less cynical.

"I hate Facebook. I’m deleting it.”

No you don’t, and no you’re not. Where would you post about how much you hate everything if you didn’t have a Facebook? When I see someone post this more than once, I report them as spam. Now, she won’t have to deal with how stupid Facebook is anymore.

“Relationship Status: Married to my BFF”

Seeing someone change their status to “engaged” or “married” is always cause for further investigation. After researching, to find out she’s “engaged” to her best friend proves that it was just a sad attempt at getting people to notice her. I’m not sure if that’s depressing or hilarious.

“I feel some type of way about this ambiguous thing.”

Vague statuses can be quite annoying. These are usually intended for only one person to actually understand, and hopefully that person has something better to do that read status updates. I’m sure she feels lots of feelings, all day. Snaps for her.

The moral of this story is: don't be typical and boring. Status updates are just that: updates. If you don't have any news, then no need to post lameness. Be yourself, not your profile. Likes won't keep you company.

What annoys you about single girl statuses?