25 Animals Who Want Your Vote For Mayor

The race is on to be the next mayor of New York City. Which candidate will you back?

1. The Go Goat

Sick and tired of hearing “I don’t go to Brooklyn,” this goat is going to raise fines to $500,000 per refusal. “At the end of a crazy night, I just want to sleep in my own bed. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

2. Feline For Fresh Fish

Little Meow Meow’s promise is simple: MORE FISH SHOPS.

3. Turd Terminator

Tired of the hot poo smell that blankets the city in the summer, Dog vows to crack down on poop picker-upper perps.

4. Hurricane Oscar

Oscar has an ambitious plan to build a 10,000-foot wall around Manhattan to guard against future natural disasters. Even he thinks he might be going a little too far.

5. Sammy Stands for Soda

Limits on sugary drinks? Not on Sammy’s watch. The sweeter the better!

6. Hounds For Hotdogs

“I love hot dogs. I’m a hot dog fiend,” says the handsome German Shepard. If elected, he will put hot dog stands on nearly every corner and provide mutts with unlimited, free footlongs.

7. Hoofin’ for Humanity

Fed up with long hours and humiliating costumes, this horse plans on regulating the horse-carriage industry with shorter shifts and no clothing.

8. Camel for Camels

This camel will be damned if he has to spend another winter smoking outside of bars. He wants to reverse the smoking ban of 2003.

9. Nibbling Nicholas

Ice Cream Thursdays are mandatory!

10. Cultured Canine

A frequent patron of the arts, Hamilton wants to make outings like the opera and ballet open to all animals. “I love twirling and tap-dancing,” the pug says.

11. City Kitties

Tired of being stuck indoors all day, these cats are going to build a cat run.

12. Fluent Frenchie

This frenchie is fluent in all languages, so it’ll be easy for all of his constituents to understand him.

Magic Mike

13. Pissy Pigeon Who Poops

Pigeons are jerks. He’s not going to do anything but continue to make a mess all over the city.

14. Sweetness for Steak

She may look sweet, but this dog loves her meat. She believes the Meatpacking District should live up to its name and wants to bring back the neighborhood to its slaughterhouse glory of the years gone by.

15. Piping-Hot Parks

After battling Seasonal Affective Disorder due to fewer trips to the dog run during the winter, Webster and Hercules plan on outfitting all the city’s dog parks with heaters.

16. Puppy Versus Pickups

This pooch wants to keep cars out of Central Park. “I can’t tell you how many times I am minding my business along the loop, and I’ve almost gotten sideswiped,” says the Toto lookalike.

17. Cats for Catsup

“It’s a fact that cats, and hell, even dogs, are cleaner than most humans,” sighed Minnie from McSorley’s Ale House. “So why can’t we be allowed in diners?” Minnie, an excellent mouser, says she will reverse the animal ban her first day in office.

18. Goats for Justice

This wild goat wants to implement the “Subway Street Justice” program. If you fail to offer a seat to the elderly, don’t let passengers off first, or play video games with the sound on, you will be punished.

19. Kalico Kat Loathes The Kardashians

This SoHo bodega cat works down the street from the Kardashians shop, Dash. Tired of dealing with paparazzi, rude tourists and the Kardashian’s themselves, this cat believes it is his kalling to kick the klassless krew to the kurb.

20. Tomcat for Trikes

Worried he is putting his life in danger every time he gets on his tiny trike and peddles down Fifth Avenue, this feline wants bike lanes on all avenues.

21. Pragmatic Pooch

Dog has a plan to bring a smart approach to the city’s budget — with no new taxes and more treats.

22. Barking Bridges

This dog wants to turn the Brooklyn Bridge into a giant dog park, with the best view of the city.

23. Scrappy Tabby

Bubba has purchased some terrible catnip lately. “It’s either too strong or not strong enough,” says the orange tabby. “I want to change that.”

24. A Cottontail That Cares

This bunny thinks all animals should have access to healthcare, so she is campaigning for universal healtcare. “I’ve seen too many friends forgo trips to the vet because they can’t afford it,” says snuggly rabbit. “It breaks my heart.”

25. The Incumbents

Mayor Bloomberg’s girlfriend’s dogs, Bonnie and Clyde, just want to keep the status quo.

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