1. The Go Goat
Sick and tired of hearing “I don’t go to Brooklyn,” this goat is going to raise fines to $500,000 per refusal. “At the end of a crazy night, I just want to sleep in my own bed. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
2. Feline For Fresh Fish
Little Meow Meow’s promise is simple: MORE FISH SHOPS.
3. Turd Terminator
Tired of the hot poo smell that blankets the city in the summer, Dog vows to crack down on poop picker-upper perps.
4. Hurricane Oscar
Oscar has an ambitious plan to build a 10,000-foot wall around Manhattan to guard against future natural disasters. Even he thinks he might be going a little too far.
5. Sammy Stands for Soda
Limits on sugary drinks? Not on Sammy’s watch. The sweeter the better!
6. Hounds For Hotdogs
“I love hot dogs. I’m a hot dog fiend,” says the handsome German Shepard. If elected, he will put hot dog stands on nearly every corner and provide mutts with unlimited, free footlongs.
7. Hoofin’ for Humanity
Fed up with long hours and humiliating costumes, this horse plans on regulating the horse-carriage industry with shorter shifts and no clothing.
8. Camel for Camels
This camel will be damned if he has to spend another winter smoking outside of bars. He wants to reverse the smoking ban of 2003.
9. Nibbling Nicholas
Ice Cream Thursdays are mandatory!
10. Cultured Canine
A frequent patron of the arts, Hamilton wants to make outings like the opera and ballet open to all animals. “I love twirling and tap-dancing,” the pug says.
11. City Kitties
Tired of being stuck indoors all day, these cats are going to build a cat run.
12. Fluent Frenchie
This frenchie is fluent in all languages, so it’ll be easy for all of his constituents to understand him.
13. Pissy Pigeon Who Poops
Pigeons are jerks. He’s not going to do anything but continue to make a mess all over the city.
14. Sweetness for Steak
She may look sweet, but this dog loves her meat. She believes the Meatpacking District should live up to its name and wants to bring back the neighborhood to its slaughterhouse glory of the years gone by.
15. Piping-Hot Parks
After battling Seasonal Affective Disorder due to fewer trips to the dog run during the winter, Webster and Hercules plan on outfitting all the city’s dog parks with heaters.
16. Puppy Versus Pickups
This pooch wants to keep cars out of Central Park. “I can’t tell you how many times I am minding my business along the loop, and I’ve almost gotten sideswiped,” says the Toto lookalike.
17. Cats for Catsup
“It’s a fact that cats, and hell, even dogs, are cleaner than most humans,” sighed Minnie from McSorley’s Ale House. “So why can’t we be allowed in diners?” Minnie, an excellent mouser, says she will reverse the animal ban her first day in office.
18. Goats for Justice
This wild goat wants to implement the “Subway Street Justice” program. If you fail to offer a seat to the elderly, don’t let passengers off first, or play video games with the sound on, you will be punished.
19. Kalico Kat Loathes The Kardashians
This SoHo bodega cat works down the street from the Kardashians shop, Dash. Tired of dealing with paparazzi, rude tourists and the Kardashian’s themselves, this cat believes it is his kalling to kick the klassless krew to the kurb.
20. Tomcat for Trikes
Worried he is putting his life in danger every time he gets on his tiny trike and peddles down Fifth Avenue, this feline wants bike lanes on all avenues.
21. Pragmatic Pooch
Dog has a plan to bring a smart approach to the city’s budget — with no new taxes and more treats.
22. Barking Bridges
This dog wants to turn the Brooklyn Bridge into a giant dog park, with the best view of the city.
23. Scrappy Tabby
Bubba has purchased some terrible catnip lately. “It’s either too strong or not strong enough,” says the orange tabby. “I want to change that.”
24. A Cottontail That Cares
This bunny thinks all animals should have access to healthcare, so she is campaigning for universal healtcare. “I’ve seen too many friends forgo trips to the vet because they can’t afford it,” says snuggly rabbit. “It breaks my heart.”