68 Thoughts You Have During A Blizzard

"Well I guess there's no bread left."

1. Neat! Snow is coming.

2. Oh okay LOTS of snow.

3. I bet I get to work from home on Tuesday.

4. Man I wish I were back in high school and I could just goof off with my friends the whole day.

5. Dammit, why did I have to grow up?

6. Ooh, 4 texts from mom!

7. Do I have spare water reserves? What? Mom calm down, it is not that serious.

8. Oh wait. Okay emergency alert from Apple.

9. I guess it is that serious.

10. Maybe I will make a quick Trader Joe's run.

11. Good god, what are all these people standing outside for? Can't you idiots see it's snowing?

12. Oh. That is the line to get into Trader Joe's.

13. Ah. So I will have to stand in that line. I see.

14. Well, let's just see how long it takes.

15. This is fun. Me and all the hipsters.

16. Okay wait did that girl in the beanie just walk out with groceries and a bouquet of flowers?!?

17. Yeah cause whenever a devastating winter storm hits my hood, I'm like, shit, man, where's my lovely floral arrangement??

18. Screw this, I'm making a CVS run instead,

19. Huh. It appears as though every other human in the city had the same idea as me.

20. Well I guess there's no bread left.

21. Why do people think bread is great storm food? What about Cheez-It's? They will last just as long.

22. Same goes for Oreos, so I'm getting some of those. You know, to balance out the flavor palette of the Cheez-Its.

23. Annnnd no water. You know what, iced tea is mostly water.

24. And so is beer!

25. I feel like I deserve this six-pack because, you know, it's made from wheat, and I didn't get any bread earlier.

26. I like how my phone keeps blowing up with texts but it's really just my mom asking me if I have candles.

27. This cashier is judging me so hard RN.

28. WELL, MAM IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR BEING OUT OF BREAD.

29. Okay wow yeah it's really snowing. I can barely see.

30. What if I got stranded out here?

31. How would anyone find me?

32. They would just follow the pinging of my phone as my mom texted me every 3 minutes.

33. But honestly, I can't see more than two feet in front of me. I feel like it's time to call in some St. Bernards.

34. What do they keep in those little barrels around their necks?

35. Bread, the ultimate storm food, probably.

36. Yaaaaassss boss just emailed telling us to work from home tomorrow.

37. *wakes up, looks outside*

38. Holy mother, it is all the scenes from Frozen combined.

39. This is sort of beautiful.

40. I like how on Facebook, for every east coaster being like "I MAY NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE" some cute Midwesterner has to be like "um, we call dis summer bbq weather, bro."

41. Haha yes. That's only the 12th "Juno it's snowing?" tweet I've seen. Very funny, Lori, I'm sure you came up with that all on your own.

42. Omg there's a snapchat geofilter for this blizzard.

43. And now everyone thinks they're the first person to discover it. Ugh.

44. Well working from home is completely boring after the first two hours.

45. I miss the free coffee. I miss my work friends. I miss the cute guy on my floor. I miss everything.

46. Ugh, colleague. No. I don't want to have a conference call to discuss your memo. I want to nap on my couch is what I want.

47. Oh COOL my friend in grad school has a snow day and wants to have a snowball fight in Central Park.

48. Sorry LARRY, I can't come. No, Larry, because I decided it was time to grow the fuck up and pay my own bills.

49. I'm sorry, Larry. That was harsh. My cruel words are born out of sheer jealousy.

50. Why is everyone signing their emails with a cutesy "stay warm! :)"?

51. Clearly, I am indoors, replying to your emails. Of course I am staying warm.

52. Okay wait this blizzard means my favorite Thai place isn't delivering?

53. Well that's just annoying.

54. If I see another Instagram of someone's artistic coffee with snow in the background, I will literally unfollow everyone.

55. Ah, Mike from Tinder just texted me. He wants to know if I need any help staying warm.

56. GOOD ONE, Mike from Tinder.

57. I'm not going to make that mistake again. And certainly not twice.

58. Ugh this work day is inching by.

59. My cat is literally the worst coworker. Dude, my keyboard is not your purrsonal space heater.

60. Okay it stopped snowing, I can def go outside now.

61. Because THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY.

62. No jk eff that, it's freezing.

63. Mere humans weren't meant to be exposed to such frigid climates!!

64. Okay hold up. There are literally 8 inches of snow on the ground.

65. Seriously, New York?

66. Bill DeBlasio, are you kidding me?

67. Better luck next year, Mother Nature.

68. Cuz Juno the Blizzard WAS SNOW PROBLEM.