1. You know the girls.
Charlotte, Carrie, Samantha and Miranda. The nice one, the smart one, the sexy one and the one that I have to manipulate to make this post work. But follow me on this one.
FLASH FORWARD TO 2040.
3. Still lookin’ good ladies.
Charlotte, Carrie, Samantha and Old Miranda. Also, the 80’s came back. HARD.
We find Harry has passed away, choked on a Cheddar Bay biscuit at the East Hampton Red Lobster. Very tragic. Out of the blue, she receives a call from Carrie expressing her condolences. Charlotte tells Carrie how lonely she is in the huge house she lives in and would kill for some company. Which gets Carrie thinking…
After finally divorcing Big (he’s in prison for embezzlement), she moved to Florida where she occasionally answers reader’s questions in the Miami Herald…actually, newspaper names are always changed in movies…she writes for the Miami Times Weekly Tribune. Sounds legit. She bought a 3 bedroom house down the street from an Old Country Buffet for her and all of her shoes, however, due to metatarsal fractures from osteoporosis, heels are no longer an option. What is she going to do with all the extra space? REUNION!
Miranda aged terribly, so much so that everyone asks if she’s her children’s great-grandmother. Being of a strong constitution, accepts this fate with a sarcastic chuckle. Steve’s dead. We don’t go into it. Only so much room for exposition.
Samantha has had her fill of men. But not like in a lesbian way, just that at 70 years old she is FINALLY ready to settle down. She meetsh shomeone very shpeshial.
All the girls arrive at the house, immediately Old Miranda and Samantha bicker over whose room has the better view of the lanai. Samantha wanted the room with the attached bathroom. The shower has a seat in it and her back is going. Old Miranda gets in there first, because though she is old, she’s quick as a field mouse. Or rather a hawk that is hunting a field mouse. Nature. Samantha is PISSED.
To break the tension of the house, Carrie introduces her neighbor to the new ladies. The gentleman wants to take Samantha on a date.
Yes. Sean Connery will be in this movie. In 2040. He is immortal. He will be in the 4th one, too. Contract details are heavily guarded, but rumor has it that he’ll be there in 2055.
Of course, Carrie also has a date and the same self-esteem issues she’s had for the last goddamn 30 years. Her love interest has yet to be cast. It might be Tom Hardy. He’ll probably age well. Don’t forget, Big is in prison and will definitely not be showing up later in the movie.
Charlotte has a fling with the pool boy. They’re still ironing out the details on how much they will show the audience…not gonna lie, I wouldn’t cover my face.
Charlotte and Old Miranda join a bowling league to get out of the house every once and a while. Their team, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter makes it all the way to an epic tournament, Southeast Florida Ladies Bowleramathonampionship, or SEFLB [sef-ulb] for short. Will they come out on top? You’ll just have to wait and see. This is them talking shit to their opponents, Livin’ on a Spare. The post tourny luncheon is at Old Country Buffet.
Samantha and Carrie take to Jazzercising. At first, it doesn’t go their way, but then they discover that an Amaretto Sour before class helps them loosen up. However, they take it too far, show up drunk and get kicked out of the class. They go to Old Country Buffet with the gals followed by a 3pm nap.
After the fiascos and everyone’s relationship roads have been traveled, the ladies are reunited before heading of to The Buffet where Old Miranda wraps up the plot before Carrie drops a bomb on them all.
Uhh…Sophia is Old Miranda’s nickname.
Carrie gets a call and finds out Big (played by Joe Manganello?) has been released back in New York. She leaves the ladies her house and she runs off to see him, never knowing when she’ll be back. No time for OCB today ladies, I’ve got to go.