Regarding toilet paper:
Cats will prevent you from getting any work done.
But turtles will type up your report.
Cats will leave you hairballs and an assortment of dead rodents as “presents.”
On getting wet:
Cats hate it, hate you, and temporarily lose cuteness points.
But all is right with the world when turtles are wet.
Regarding asking for a loan:
Cats think your dream to open a used book store is a terrible idea.
Regarding coming home from work:
Cats don’t care if you’ve had a bad day at work.