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Why Turtles Are So Much Better Than Cats

Turtles and tortoises are perfect in every way, and yet the internet is still dominated by cats. I honestly shouldn’t need to explain this to you guys, but here’s why you should be giving turtles your attention instead.

Regarding toilet paper:

Cats shred the crap out of it.

But turtles will fold the ends for you.

Regarding laptops:

Cats will prevent you from getting any work done.

But turtles will type up your report.

Regarding birthdays:

Cats will leave you hairballs and an assortment of dead rodents as “presents.”

But turtles will throw you a party.

Regarding dinner:

Cats get their hair all over the food.

But turtles observe the rules of etiquette.

On getting wet:

Cats hate it, hate you, and temporarily lose cuteness points.

But all is right with the world when turtles are wet.

Regarding dogs:

Cats are prone to bullying them.

But tortoises will be their bffs.

Regarding asking for a loan:

Cats think your dream to open a used book store is a terrible idea.

But turtles believe you’re worth the risk.

Regarding coming home from work:

Cats don’t care if you’ve had a bad day at work.

But turtles will always greet you with a smile.

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