To Be Sex Positive…

Sex positivity is something I would love to see our society get to. I mean think about how easier life would be if we could really freely talk about sex, oh oh oh, the possibilities! *There is explicit language in this list…It’s about sex…And most images lead to more stuff!”

is to be open to and accept someone else’s gender or sex.

"How you can make the gender question on an application form more inclusive" / Via itspronouncedmetrosexual.com

That doesn’t necessarily mean to be attracted to them depending on your sexuality, but to prevent yourself from thinking things like “gross” or “what is that”. Let’s empower and encourage the expression of others. See the sexiness in that person because they are expressing themselves, they are being who they were meant to and want to be. I mean think about it, most of our interactions aren’t sexual, so why should someone’s gender or sex expression affect us at all?

is to be open to and accept womanhood.

"Why are we so scared of vaginas?" / Via thinkbannedthoughts.wordpress.com

As a society, people of all sexualities and genders alike (and that most certainly includes straight men) have banded together to attack the vagina and everything that “is supposed to come with it”. It’s no coincidence that if our cuss words aren't about God or poop, it's about women. I dare you to think of one about guys…you, you…MAN! Shoot, even the word woman can be an insult with the right inflection. And you wondered why Beyonce and Ciara sing about being a guy, while Usher and Justin Timberlake still haven't sung about being a girl. It’s been all about the dick for too long, time for some pussy love!

is to be open to and accept someone’s sexuality.

"Accepting Others Regardless of Sexuality" / Via youknowjewfro.blogspot.com

That means stop saying psuedo-inclusive stuff like “everyone’s got a little gay in them” as if human sexuality is composed of elements of gay or straight. The world isn’t black or white, and neither are our sexualities, and we should accept that. You’re plurisexual (this includes bi, pan, or omnisexual)? Awesome! You like feet? Awesome! You like sex with your food? Awesome! You’re into someone 30 years older than you? Awesome! Anonymous sex is a turn on? Awesome! You’re in an interracial relationship? Awesome! You don’t want any sex? Awesome! And that leads me to…

is to also be open to and accept someone’s desire or lack thereof for sex or romance.

Via asexuality.org

This technically falls into the point before this, but it doesn't hurt to emphasize certain things. Just because I like a lot of sex doesn't mean others do. So let’s stop expressions like “it’s human to want sex” “all men are horny” and “all women want is romance”. Ya, that includes no slut shaming. While this is a list of what sex positivity means, it’s a fitting to note that being sex positive doesn’t say anything about your sexuality, including how much sex you like, or with how many people. So even asexual people can be and are sex positive.

is to be open to and accept yourself.

Via theamericandreammovement.wordpress.com

Try hanging out naked, even if it’s just you, alone in your own room. You’re natural form is amazing, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But if you’re uncomfortable being around yourself, the best way to get comfy is to get acquainted. So many insecurities come down to how “desirable” we are or how we “fit in”. But ask yourself! Fit in…to what? But also accept that your desires are ok. If you find yourself masturbating, not/craving sex, realizing that you bond via sex, like two people at the same time, or only enjoy making out. Be proud of that, and own it! It makes it a lot easier to accept others, if you accept yourself. Plus being relaxed, makes some aspects of sex way less awkward.

is to be open to and accept in its many different forms of sex.

"Everything you didn't know about sex, but thought you did" / Via healthism.blogspot.com

If you watch porn, or hollywood, you probably have a very distorted and limited idea of what sex is. Sex is not a penis penetrating a hole, for white people only, or beating a submissive effeminate partner. Sex is a form of intimacy, a form of communication, a form of art, and a form of bonding. So many possibilities! But if you want to try a different formula, and you’re struggling to come up with ideas, here is an easy one, try having sex under instead of over the sheets, or try joking and laughing during sex…or feel free to ask me :).

is to be open to and accept various ways relationships form.

"Male Hook-Up App Grindr Has Nothing To Do With Gay Pride, Everything To Do With Actual Pride" / Via gawker.com

In my high school, guys asked the girls to the dances, guys asked the girls out, except for Sadies (Hawkins Dance). My first kiss was different. My girlfriend took the reigns for that. And I am not bragging (cause the way our society is structured, when a guy talks about getting some, it’s praiseworthy), I’m merely normalizing. There shouldn’t be a set way to get a partner. If you want to date someone, ask! If you just want to hook up, ask! For some going off cues, and hints may be fun, but for many it’s stressful, and unclear. And just as I brought up my male privilege, I need to acknowledge that I am not under any general social repercussion in being called a floozy for asking someone out. But the more people do this, the more ok it becomes. Same goes with online dating. It’s ok if you met someone or if you are even on an online dating or fuck site. And it”s definitely ok to talk about it. After all, it’s just as safe as meeting someone random at a party…

is to be open and accept talking about sex.

"Spin Doctors: Abstinence-Only Sex Education Doesn’t Work. So Why Is Anyone Still Teaching It?" / Via prochoicewashington.wordpress.com

In our societies sex is a private thing, and I’m not saying go public with it (but if you do, no shame here). But let’s be open to at least talking about it. Imagine growing up in a world where we learned proper hygiene and safety (including all forms of sex, not just penis-vagina penetration). FYI a guy’s crotch can smell TERRIBLE without proper care, dare I say fishy, HIV isn't the only STI out there, and being on the pill doesn't protect from everything. For me, I take it a step further than just talking about sex. I use sexual terms to describe almost everything positive. A delicious meal, turns me on. You share hobbies with me, oh I’m wet. That new batman comic, so sexy. What I don’t do is yell fuck when I stub my toes, it’s the exact opposite feeling actually.

is to be open to and accept that sex means different things to different people.

"Being Queer Means…" / Via nadiiacho.wordpress.com

Just because a man who likes sex with other men in the US is assumed homosexual (plurisexual guys, like bisexual guys, can like other men too), it doesn’t mean that man in another culture is homosexual. We should not impose our labels and framing of sex on others. In one country holding hands is gay, in another it’s platonic. Same goes with here at home, just because sex is a bonding activity for me, doesn’t mean it is for someone else. It could be sacred to them, or it could be as meaningful as masturbating for the 5th time that day.

is to be open to and accept that people are dynamic.

"10 Charts About Sex" / Via blog.okcupid.com

People change, it’s natural. We start as babies and we grow up constantly changing and influenced by our environment. So just because someone may have liked anal sex, doesn't mean they still do. Just because someone experimented as bi, and now is straight doesn't mean they are back in the closet. Just like how our tastes in food, and entertainment, our personality, and intellect change, evolve, and develop over time, so does our sexuality. And we shouldn’t hold it against anyone as if they were liars, confused, or hiding something. And to those homophobes out there, no you can’t control if a person ends up queer or not, and you definitely can’t “change” them.

is to be open to and accept the value of friendship as much as sex.

Via getdvdcovers.com

I realized a long time ago that the difference between a friendship and a partnership is an agreement to do an activity together and usually exclusively. And a break up is the ending of that agreement. But why throw away all the benefits of the friendship fostered during that partnership (unless the person was regressive to you)? And why should I stop myself from doing that activity if I am not in a partnership. So ya, I think friends can have sex. Ya, I love it when my ex or crush end up dating my friends. Ya, I am still friends with my exes. And ya, “friends with benefits” is a redundant expression.

is to actively fight sexually repressive and regressive behavior and thoughts.

"Instead of Asking Women Why They Stay, We Should Ask Men Why They Hit" / Via time.com

Call someone out not only if they call something gay, but if they call someone a pussy, make fun of the way someone acts or looks, belittle someone’s attraction to someone else, or actually call the cops when you hear someone call for help. Too scary to be a hero? How bout some encouragement? Praise someone’s usage of toys, or listen to someone’s experience on online dating. Or instead of asking why someone is their relationship status, how bout we ask if they are happy with that? Still too hard for you? Then check yourself at the very least. Think about why you find something attractive, and if it is healthy. Question why you (might) think the hottest celebrity out there is white, why you have dom/sub fantasies, why you don’t want to be eaten out but you are ok with giving head, or why you treat people you find attractive better and if they are the people that need or deserve that better treatment.

is to think that CONSENT IS SEXY, CHOICE IS SEXY

“Consent Is Sexy” Mantra Well-Meaning But Misguided" / Via whitmanpioneer.com

Last, definitely not least, and arguably most important actually.

To be sex positive, is to think that...

CONSENT IS SEXY, CHOICE IS SEXY

Imagine living in a world where we grew up we learning that someone sneaking in your bedroom and watching you all night (Twilight), or sending a love letter to a someone you never talked to (Can’t Hardly Wait) is actually creepy. That romance is not a game of cat and mouse. No such thing as “being too easy” or “playing hard to get”. That sexuality isn’t a competition or “playing for teams.” That men are not naturally dogs, and women are not their “pussy” to play with. That sex is not a form of payment for anything, but especially not for “protection”. And that someone can’t look like a pedophile, abuser, and/or rapist. The more we hide from sex, or actively fight it, the more we don’t see sexual violence.

Just as I encourage nudity, I encourage the hijab.

Just as I encourage tight clothing, I encourage lose clothing.

Just as I encourage hooking up, I encourage arranged marriages.

Just as I encourage sex, I encourage abstinence.

As long as it is a choice.