1. “Soul Train Line!!!!”
This is a black wedding ritual that normally occurs when the reception is at full throttle. Everyone from grandparents to little kids to drunk uncles get to show show off their moves just as was done the popular TV show.
2. “Somebody Go Get Leroy…”
Every black wedding reception has a crazy and/or drunk uncle that tries to steal the show. While he is in off-the-hook mode, there are whispers everywhere saying “Oh Lawd, somebody really needs to go get Leroy.” But no one ever does.
3. “I don’t eat just anybody’s cooking.”
There will be critcism of the food. This is unavoidable. Black people are very particular about who prepares the food they’ll eat. When there is a question about it, the 11th Commandment takes effect: thou shalt not touch.
4. “I KNOW they are NOT playing THAT song!!”
We all know that some hip hop songs can be a little, shall we say, racy. And we all know that the Christian ears of our elders should not be exposed to some of these lyrics. So playing the Ying-Yang Twins “Whisper Song” at the reception is probably a bad move. No one wants to hear grandma say, “Wait ‘til I see his WHAT?!?!?”
5. “Ooooooo… This is my JAM!!”
When somebody’s “jam” comes on… just get out the way.
6. “Bilapia?!? I don’t eat that stuff.”
So you went for the fish for the reception dinner: a very nice cajun baked tilapia. There is always a few family members at a black wedding who think fish automatically means fried catfish. If you order “fancy food” for a black reception, it will be mispronounced.
7. “Do you have Moscato?”
It does not matter whether there is an open bar or a cash bar, there will always be a dissatisfied guest with the alcohol selection. Fortunately, there is probably a family member who has that Moscato or Hennessy someone wants in a discreet place in their car. “Let’s go to the car” is the phrase that usually leads to resolution.
8. “Electric Slide!!”
“It’s electric!” Totally self-explanatory.
9. “You were always my favorite…”
You know that cousin you haven’t seen since you were 6? And the one who you heard at the last family reunion was talking trash about you? And the one who said she wasn’t coming to your wedding because you think you’re “all that?” Well, she WILL come to the wedding and make a heartfelt toast full of tears as if you’ve been best friends since birth. Not to worry, she’ll be talking smack again before the day is over.
10. “You got any hot sauce?”
Hot sauce goes on everything. Every.thing. That catered filet oskar? All it needs is a little hot sauce to set if off. This question is normally followed by 2-3 aunts reaching in their purse to share their personal bottle.
The wedding is not over until Frankie Beverly and Maze’s black wedding reception national anthem is played: “Before I Let Go.” Everyone sings the chorus ad-lib in unison to confirm that today was indeed a good day.
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