A bingo hall. A fun, innocent place full of cute, dabber-wielding pensioners with wrinkly bald heads and blue rinses, adamantly chasing that jackpot on a table of steaming cups of tea and juicy gossip. Right? Wrong. No, seriously, wrong. In fact, bingo halls are often the home to punch ups, arrests, court orders, public-place bans and full on fisticuffs. Don't believe me? Then clap eyes on this list of bingo villains who have been kind enough to show us exactly how not to wind up on the infamous bingo blacklist.
1. Leave the sound effects to Warner Brothers
What's a classic game of bingo without letting out a little "quack quack" when number 22 is called or a cheeky smack of the lips when 16 (never been kissed) comes rolling out? Well, a sure fire way to avoid a 999 call if you were to ask bingo lover Gerard Merry from Birmingham. The 47 year old caused a right ruckus when he wolf-whistled to the famous call of "Legs 11" and was not only branded a sexist by police, but escorted out of his local bingo haunt, BJ's Bingo Hall in Kitt's Green, Birmingham, where they asked him to leave. "I whistled at the call for 'Legs 11' with other people, and the caller actually came over to me and shouted at me to stop whistling saying it was sexist", he told the Daily Mail. When Gerard refused to leave though, the cops were called who escorted him out by the arms for being loud and disruptive. Eek. A cautionary tale to all of us who might be tempted to let rip an excitable "ooer!" when 69 is next called if ever there was one...
2. Other bingo clubs? What other bingo clubs?
Word on the street is that, bingo halls really do not take kindly to the mention of rival companies under its roofs. Just ask Rosalyn Clemson, 76, who four years ago, was enjoying a game of bingo with her husband at their favourite Mecca Bingo hall. After having a chat with some friends, Rosalyn suggested that they try out a rival bingo club just a short distance away for their next get-together, and although it sounds innocent enough, Mecca Bingo stated that she was breaking membership rules by pushing another brand within their establishment, and both Rosalyn and her hubby were banned from every Mecca club in the country! And there was us thinking rivalries were for the One Directions and The Wanteds of the world...
3. Don’t say bingo, unless you have a ticket to back it up!
You're on one to go, you're waiting for that one, little, pesky number to come toppling out so you can nab that jackpot and head for Paradise Island, when someone shouts "bingo!". Except, on further investigation, it appears that the "winner" doesn't have bingo at all. In fact, that so-called "winner" doesn't even have a bingo ticket. Annoying, right? Well, that's certainly one way the people of a Kentucky bingo hall felt when 18 year old Austin Whaley pulled the exact same prank and was escorted off the premises. "It delayed the game by several minutes and caused alarm to patrons. People take their bingo very seriously" commented the bingo hall's security guard. Not as serious as the district judge apparently does, though, who instead of handing out a fine or community service or a minimum custodial sentence, instead, opted for a far more interesting punishment. The judge forbid the boy from saying the word "bingo" for 6 whole months... Wonder if he managed it.
4. Step away from the biscuits...
And not because despite being one of the best culinary inventions ever, they insist on expanding waist lines in record time. No. This time, step away because if you're caught with a bingo ticket and a biscuit barrel in your hands, you may well be arrested. Oh, and if you happen to be caught with both of those things in Portugal, you really are probably going to be cuffed and fined. Honestly. Hand on heart. Just watch this video.
5. Try not to take your sweet, sweet, precious time ordering lunch
Hunger-rage. We've all been there and we've all been filled with it. You're in the queue for some lunch, and so hungry that you're considering eating your clothes, and the person in front of you decides on today of all days, to attempt breaking the world record of World's Slowest Moving Person.
Although a frustrating situation, most would agree that neither person, the one in front or one behind, deserves a right hook, but there are two bingo fans that would be likely to disagree with you. In this case, an 80 year old pensioner was the one taking her time selecting her food from the cafeteria in the Riva bingo hall in South London, when a hungry woman, 72, behind her asked her to hurry up, before calling her a "stupid old woman". This resulted in the two pensioners clashing and having a fight – fists an' all – and the youngest of the women escaping with mild bruising. Ouch!
According to the Daily Mail, a Sutton police spokesperson reported "Officers from Sutton Town Centre team cautioned the 80-year-old before she was interviewed in her home. Police have now decided to take no further action into this matter".
Certainly something to think about next time you're tempted to ask the person in front to hurry up so you can get your ravenous hands on an emergency bacon butty...
It's not all punch ups, police arrests and court orders in the world of bingo, though, honest. In some bingo halls, the pensioners prefer to grind and boogie as opposed to wrestle over the buffet. Look at them go!:
Or, if in doubt, of course... you could always opt for playing online bingo in the cosy comfort of your own home, with only your kids to beat to the dinner queue and where you can howl "bingo" and wolf-whistle until your heart's content, without the approaching sound of clinking handcuffs.
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