The Rise And Fall Of Julius Caesar, As Told Through Spongebob GIFs

Who lives in a pineapple somewhere in Rome?

1. Meet Julius Caesar.

We’ll just call him Caesar.

2. Caesar is charming, talented, and brilliant.

3. He wants to be the most powerful man in Rome.

But so does basically everyone else in Rome’s violent, corrupt, hyper-competitive political system.

4. He is super in debt.

Because climbing the political ranks takes lots and lots of bribes.

5. And he is still far less powerful than the senate.

The senate, by the way, are not huge fans of individuals with lots of power. This may or may not come into play later in the story.

6. So he turns to his greatest asset:

7. He convinces Crassus, the richest man in Rome…

8. …and Pompey, the most powerful military figure in all of Rome…

9. …to form a three way alliance known as the Triumvirate.

Pompey also marries Caesar’s daughter. So parties all around.

10. And with their combined wealth and armies, they instantly become the most powerful men in Rome.

Quake in fear.

11. The Triumvirate gives Caesar a governorship in Gaul.

Which means land, power, money, and a happy Caesar.

12. But Germanic tribes approaching from the north pose a major threat.

It’s time to serve up some Caesar style military might.

13. Over the course of numerous difficult military campaigns, Caesar proves to be a brilliant general.

He would go undefeated in his military career, due in part to his incisive strategy, commanding leadership, and brutal ruthlessness.

14. Back in Rome, an uneasy Pompey gets word of Caesar’s growing power.

Fearing Caesar is becoming too powerful, the senate tries to convince Pompey to lead his army against Caesar, but Pompey is reluctant to break the triumvirate.

15. But the already uneasy balance of the triumvirate is torpedoed by the sudden death of Crassus.

Crassus invaded Parthia, seeking to prove himself the military equal of Caesar and Pompey. He didn’t.

16. After that, it was clear: The fate of Rome would come down to Caesar…

17. …vs. Pompey.

18. A ferocious civil war ensues.

Pompey had over twice the troops that Caesar had, but Caesar gained the upper hand through superior strategy and tenaciously loyal troops.

19. When Caesar’s victory grows increasingly imminent, Pompey flees to Egypt.

20. Where he is beheaded.

By Egyptians looking to get in with Caesar.

21. With Pompey gone, Caesar has accomplished his goal: he is the most powerful man in all of Rome.

22. With almost unchecked power, Caesar appoints himself dictator for life.

Which incidentally won’t be that much longer, because:

23. The senate is plotting to kill Caesar.

Remember that whole individuals with power thing?

24. The senate hatches a conspiracy involving Caesar’s protege and trusted friend, Brutus.

Who SOME people think was actually Caesar’s son (OMG).

25. And on the ides of March, when Caesar arrives at the Theatre of Pompey, the conspirators attack.

That’s right, the assassination took place in a building commissioned by Caesar’s greatest rival.

26. And when Brutus strikes Caesar, Caesar famously utters, “Et tu, Brute?”

…at least that’s what he said in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. We have no idea what he actually said.

Probably “Ow.”

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