1. These things
If my grandmother didn’t have orange tic tacs, she’d have these in her purse.
These strawberry candies seemed to survive a couple of Christmases and Halloweens before they’d be consumed in the present day. THEY’RE BIONIC!
2. Bit o Honey
Bit O Honey? More like Bit O Nasty! Every time you bite into one, you feel like you’re in tug of war with your teeth.
3. Mysterious Orange and Black Candy
…And what are these again? Do we even know? Do YOU even know?
I never had one, nor have I ever wanted to find out just what it is behind the mysterious orange and black wrappers.
4. Child’s Play Mix
The makers of tootsie roll and dots thought they had a winner when they named their mix “Child’s Play.” Unfortunately, the horror movie franchise that introduced us to the Chucky dolls is also named “Child’s Play.” SUPER FAIL.
5. Tootsie Roll Pops
Speaking of tootsie rolls, just how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop?
It takes ONE LICK, because who has time to wait for that? Just bite into it and move on to other candies in your stash.
6. Werther’s Original
The grandfather of all candies. No… seriously… because your grandfather ate them!
While all the colorful candies like Nerds or Starbursts go clubbing on a Friday night, Werther’s Original would retire in its favorite chair, all bundled up in a homemade sweater, ready to read a long book. Where’s the fun in that? Yawn…
7. Anything with the word “skinny” in the title
There’s nothing wrong with being health conscious, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to watch your weight…
But Halloween is ALL ABOUT THE CANDY! Eating only skinny cow candy takes the fun out of it.
Just what, exactly, are whoppers? Are they burgers? Lies?
Well, no… they’re actually semisweet chocolate balls in a box shaped like a milk carton. Of course, there is no milk to be seen inside this carton.
They are too misleading! Why can’t they just be called chocolate candy and be placed in a normal box? Quit playing games with us!
9. Yellow Starbursts
Ah, yes. The yellow starburst. It’s like being Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC, except it’s a candy. Everyone wants the pink or the red, but never the yellow. Being the least popular of all starburst flavors, it’s a FAIL.