Stephen Hawking Doubts That Stephen Hawking Exists

LONDON – Physicist Stephen Hawking has rocked the scientific community with a stunning new claim: that physicist Stephen Hawking doesn’t exist. The “world’s smartest man” makes the startling revelation in his upcoming book, which is filled with numerous other sciency shockers, including his theories that: • There is no God, but that Xenu dude from Scientology? Totally real. • The Big Bang happened on a Thursday around 3:15 pm. • The speed of light slows down to about 3 mph in rush hour traffic. • Regular matter discriminates against dark matter. • The Universe is actually shaped like a spatula – the ones with a bendy handle, to be precise. (Click on link for full story)