33 Reasons Jason Bateman Is The Unsung Hottie You Should Be Drooling Over

Get your hankies ready, ladies and gays.

1. This is Jason Bateman.

I know. But don’t start hyperventilating yet. There’s so much more.

2. He is handsome, smart, funny, talented and kind.

And humble.

3. Oh, and cute, too.

Ridiculously, undeniably, heart-stoppingly cute.

4. He was a teen hottie… and then just kept getting hotter.

5. When Jason smiles, we melt faster than Elphaba on a rainy day.

6. He played the “average guy” opposite Ryan Reynolds in that movie but NOBODY bought this “average” BS.

We love you, too, Ryan. It’s just that Jason is 100% perfect in every way.

7. There was this time he was hanging out with a duckling in a pool and the entire world collectively went “D’AWWWWWW!”

8. And then the duckling called over her duckling friends because Jason is so fun to hang with.

Jason is an adorable magnet. Meaning he attracts adorable things and also because he himself is adorable.

9. He can commit. He’s been married to the same lovely lady for 13 years.

And she is beautiful and refreshingly age-appropriate.

10. In fact, he’s a total family man.

And this is hotter than rock hard pecs and six-pack abs.

11. And can we please talk about his hair for a minute? Even at 45, it is voluminous and lush like a rainforest.

This one time a ladybug got caught in his hair and she thought it was the Enchanted Forest and never wanted to leave.

12. We can just pretend this never happened…

13. He has a sensual side.

14. Did we mention how talented he is?

Observe his amazing gum-blowy-floaty trick.

15. THESE. EYES.

OMG, STOP IT. STOP IT BEFORE WE COMPLETELY FREAK OUT AND GET ARRESTED.

16. Too clean cut for you, you say? Well, check him out all scruffy-like.

We think he needs a bath. A long, hot, steamy bath where we take a loofah and vigorously rub every inch of his body.

17. He takes time for moments of self-reflection.

Okay, that’s it. We just died.

18. He can’t quite pull off a wink and it’s the cutest thing ever in the history of cutest things.

19. He even looks good as a cartoon.

20. He knows how to take a punch.

21. But is a total badass himself.

Don’t worry. That guy totally deserved it.

22. He was kind of a total jerk in Bad Words, but you couldn’t help but love him anyway.

23. In fact, he directed the movie, proving he’s more than just a pretty face and awesome gum trick master.

But make no mistake, he IS a pretty face. So, so much pretty face.

24. He’s got these cute little eye crinkles when he smiles and we just want to softly kiss each and every one of them.

25. You could teach him how to dance…

26. His BFF is Will Arnett and they’re kind of adorable together.

And Will is super cute too. Just not as cute as Jason.

27. He posts super funny things on Reddit.

Lucky guys.

28. He understands the importance of a spa day with friends.

29. Are you drooling yet? Have you seen this photo?

Homina homina homina.

30. There’s just no argument; Jason has animal magnetism.

31. Now say it with us:

Right???

32. Which, as always, will lead to:

YES! YES! A thousand times YES!

33. We can all die happy now.

It certainly has, Jason. It certainly has.

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