1. Captain Horatio Megellan Crunch has been with us since 1963. That’s also, presumably, when he was promoted to the rank of captain.
3. That means he’s served as a captain throughout the Cold War, the Vietnam War, the Gulf War, the Iraq War, the War on Terror, and countless other conflicts throughout the last few decades.
4. In addition to his military accolades, he’s also responsible for various cereals. Such as Crunch Berries…
6. Punch Crunch and it’s offshoots, Vanilly Crunch and Cinnamon Crunch (they sucked but every military leader has at least one blunder)
10. His most experimental creation during his days as a captain was Choco Donuts.
12. He took his command to new places, to the North Pole to design a new cereal: POLAR Crunch
14. Then he went above and beyond the call of duty for any sea captain by going into OUTER SPACE to create Galactic Crunch
15. While in space, he befriended aliens on behalf of man kind and collaborated with them to make CoZmic Crunch.
17. A man who commands a fleet—whether it be of ships or cereals—is called an Admiral. He deserves a promotion to Admiral!
In The News Today
- An assailant shot two people at Texas Southern University. One person has died, and a suspect has been detained. ›
- A judge halted all eight scheduled executions in Arkansas. Inmates are challenging a law allowing the state to keep the source of its execution drugs a secret. ›
- The U.S. ended its $500 million program that trains and equips Syrian rebels in their fight against ISIS. ›