Five Things That Nobody Should Ever Do.

Just don't do these things. EVER.

1. Touch people's armpits.

Armpits are smelly, sweaty, and often hairy. Plus, they are excruciatingly ticklish, and let's face it, most of us adults HATE being tickled. Just don't do it. EVER.


One exception: You're a doctor, and performing the examination requires you to touch the patient's armpit.

2. When driving, yell things at people on the sidewalk.

Even if you're yelling something complimentary, i.e., "you're pretty," don't do it. First of all, this startles the heck out of us. Being startled is not a pleasant feeling. When we are startled, the nervous system sets off a flow of adrenaline throughout our bodies, preparing for the "fight-or-flight" response- you know, just in case whatever startled us happens to be a lion, a tiger, or a bear (OH MY!) who thinks we might be a tasty meal.
Also, you are driving much faster than we are walking, which means that once we've recovered from being startled and realize that you only intended to tell us that you like our shoes, you're now way ahead of us and we can't answer you. So just don't do it. EVER.

One exception: We're holding signs for a political candidate running for office. That's acceptable, as we're expecting you to honk and yell the name of our candidate, and so it doesn't startle us.

3. Bring a child under the age of 5 years old to a live concert or theater event

Look, I'm sure your kid is adorable. But we've paid to see and hear the performers, not your kid running around and giggling. Plus, a kid that young isn't going to enjoy the show anyway.

One exception: The show is advertised as "children's show" or "family concert." (Hint: if it starts at 8pm, it's not a children's show.)

4. Ask a woman with a big belly, "So, when's the baby due?"

If it turns out that she's not pregnant but has a big belly for another reason (i.e. eating too much), she's going to be insulted that you just pretty much called her fat.

One exception: You know for a fact that she is actually pregnant.

5. Eat sushi on the train

Personally, we can't understand why anyone would willingly eat raw fish wrapped in seaweed; as it's something we'd only eat if we were lost at sea and there wasn't anything else to eat. But if you want to eat it, hey, that's your right. Just do us a favor and eat it at a sushi bar, a restaurant, or at home. Don't eat it while riding on the train and subject us to the stench of raw fish. It makes us wretch. Don't do it. EVER.

One exception: There are NO exceptions to this one!