So I Sold My Friendship On Craigslist

I recently applied to a digital ad agency and was given the assignment to sell something on Craigslist. Anything. Naturally, I sold two hours of my friendship.

You choose the time, day, and location. I'll come by, totally cool, and give you a meaningful high-five, handshake, or low-five. Our connection will know no bounds as I urge you talk about your feelings and help you repair the broken carburetor to your sick van. I'll cheer on whichever sports team you enjoy the most. Are you a Giants fan? I'm a Giants fan. Are you into the Red Sox? So am I. Do you hate sports? Sports suck, let's party.

I should remind you that I'm not selling anything sexy, regardless of my obvious sex appeal and potent sperm. I smell like a tweed jacket with leather patches and floss twice a day. My hair is dark, my facial hair is coarse, and I once taught a gorilla the difference between right and wrong. My dear friends, love is something that cannot be bought with currency. It has to be earned with currency--the currency of friendship. Let's spend this money together--metaphorically...also literally, if you have a lot of money.