1. Simply throw it away.
2. BBQ up some kabobs
3. Make it a mailbox
You will be needing this a lot more now that you won’t be receiving any more electronic mail.
4. Turn it into a kegerator
For non-alcoholic beer, of course.
5. Open up a museum
6. Use it as a ping-pong paddle
7. Use it as a knife for birthday parties
We aren’t sure how you will remember birthdays without Facebook, so it is a good idea to buy a calendar and fill it in with all the important ones before it gets shut down.
8. Make a new home for your pet lizard
9. BELT BUCKLES!!
Your life will suddenly be a lot more active since you won’t be sitting at your computer anymore, so you’ll need a new belt as your weight decreases.
10. Start an organic herb garden
We know Persians love to cook!
11. Write a special note to a special someone and frame it
12. Make a cool toothbrush/razor holder
13. Turn the fans into room fans
From the footage we have seen on TV, it is really, really hot there.
14. Level your furniture
15. Make it a toilet paper holder
This would make your house so cool that you’d have people beg to come over and use your facilities.
16. Use it to crack open nuts
17. If you pick up some new bad habits, like smoking, you can facilitate that with custom ashtrays
18. Store bread in it
19. Make it a garbage can
This will put IKEA Tehran out of business!
20. Save yourself a trip to the home depot and turn it into a dust pan
21. Cut up some beef sausage
23. Use the old ram to finish spackling your dry wall.
Think of all the time you’ll have now to put towards those home improvement projects you’ve been putting off!
24. Give your pet parrot a vacation home
25. Give it to your grandma as a gift (but don’t tell her it doesn’t do anything)
26. Make sexy underwear
This will help rekindle the relationship between you and your wife since you will have so much more time to spend with her now that you aren’t online.