A quick reminder on why mustard is what it is.
You know what? F**K MUSTARD!
Here’s the top ten reasons why mustard blows:
10. Mustard is goddamned yellow.
9. Mustard smells like mustard.
8. Mustard somehow finds its way on you (fingers, clothes, table, desk, etc.) without you knowing, then you realize during your 10 minute conversation with your boss that you slimed mustard stains on your face or shirt like a complete f**king moron.
7. Sandwich makers don’t seem to understand the difference between honey mustard (or other varietal) and MUSTARD MUSTARD – so they just ooze that shlaz all over your sub - stupid.
6. The board game (is this shit even a game?) Clue has a person of interest named Colonel Mustard, which I always thought was stupid as all hell. Who the f**k is named that?
5. You ever sat at a greasy spoon diner, and for whatever the f**k reason the only condiment at the table is some old decrepit mustard container, but no ketchup? Yeah thought so, nobody wants this shit.
4. The religious aspect of the mustard seed, is really lame. If all religion can be explained using this analogy then why the eff are folks blowing the shit outta each over it for years? I’ll tell you why..the f**king mustard seed that’s why.
3. The name mustard, has “must” in it, implying shit is musty. I don’t want to touch musty ass shit, feel me?
2. F**kin’ hidden mustard man! Shit!
And the #1 reason: Mustard is used a lot on hot dogs/brats/sausages and then upon first bite, shoots out on to your bright white summer pants, making you and others around you look and feel like a dick.
