1. Red Lobster’s “Crab Linguini Alfredo”
A fisherman’s dream.
2. The Olive Garden’s “Tour of Italy”
How am I to take this culinary journey, reaching the far corners of the Mediterranean, with only 16 oz of Mountain Dew?
3. Ruby Tuesday’s “Double Ruby Minis”
These aren’t even regular size burgers.
4. Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.’s “Steamed Crab Legs”
The Forrest Gump trivia has 0 calories.
5. Applebee’s New England Fish and Chips 1690
6. T.G.I.Fridays’ “Jack Daniels Ribs and Shrimp”
7. Baskin Robbins’ “Reese’s Buzzer Beater Layered Sundae”
At the Dunkin Donuts attached to this Baskin Robbins, you now have to add your own sugar and “flavor swirls” if you want a Medium or Large coffee or iced coffee, but you will have no trouble ordering this behemoth. (I also couldn’t find a real picture of this one. It seems to exists only in myths.)
8. Chevy’s “Steak Tostada Salad with Apple Chipolte Vinaigrette”
This is a salad. A. SALAD.
9. Hard Rock Cafe’s “The Texan Pulled Pork Sandwich”
Nothin’ says rock and roll like… well, this. YOLO
10. Famous Dave’s “Feast for 2” (Half Order)
If you’re lonely, you can always eat the other half. Just make sure to order water.
11. Cold Stone Creamery’s “PB&C Gotta Have It Milkshake”
I know what you’re thinking. “But that’s a sugary beverage,” you say. However, the ban does not restrict milkshakes as long as they are at least 50% milk. Either way, a legal 16 oz “Like It” of this concoction still surpasses the 2 liter with a whopping 1110 calories.
12. Dave and Buster’s “Anything on the Menu Excpet for 3 Entrees”
Though I could not find the nutritional information for any of Dave and Buster’s menu items, I did find a section of the menu boasting meals under 600 calories. As you can see, this health conscious section of the menu has a staggering THREE DINNER OPTIONS. Now that doesn’t prove that the rest of the menu will be over 800 calories, but it’s not looking good. Those people in the photo are laughing at all of us.