1. Assumption: You have no accent. Everyone where you grew up speaks like you.
2. Reality: Your accent will be ridiculed, regardless.
Because accents are funny… particularly if you’re Northern.
3. Assumption: You’re attending a British University. The majority of the other people there will probably be British too.
4. Reality: It’s highly possible that you’ll have multiple flatmates who don’t speak English.
This can be both a blessing and a curse. If you’re plotting to nick that cake that’s been on their shelf in the fridge for a while, they probably won’t catch on to your plan. However, you probably won’t understand the packaging, or know if it’s still in date until it’s too late…
5. Assumption: You’ll socialise with all of your flatmates as a group and become one big happy family.
6. Reality: There will be at least one flatmate who refuses to speak to anybody.
There’s always that flatmate who refuses to surface from their room unless they’re physically forced to do so. They’ll lurk alone in their bedroom even through the fire drills… you’ll see them a maximum of 5 times throughout the year and you’re still questioning their motives to live in University halls when their family home is a fifteen minute bus ride away.
Then, there’s the flatmates you don’t even want to see. There’s some strange music and noises coming from their bedroom and their food creates weird smells throughout the whole building. You have no idea what is happening in their room, but you imagine that it looks something like this.
8. Assumption: Student loan? Free money!
9. Reality: You’ve got 99 problems… and they’re all financial.
The average yearly student loan is £3554. It takes Gareth Bale 97 minutes to earn this.
10. Assumption: You eat a balanced diet at home. There’s no reason why this shouldn’t continue at University
11. Reality: Tesco Everyday Value vodka and unbranded soft drinks are now the main components of your daily diet.
Times are a-changing! You’re using your last pennies to buy food with the highest possible calorie content at the cheapest possible price. Did you know Jaffa Cakes count as one of your five-a-day?
12. Assumption: You’re here to study. Everything else is secondary.
13. Reality: Laziness will slowly but surely take over your life.
Everything comes before actually doing work for your course. Procrastination will become your favourite activity and you’ll become a connoisseur of the procrasta-nap (tactically napping whilst procrastinating). Prepare yourself to become familiar with BuzzFeed, Twitter, Facebook, Vine and ALL social media outlets that will distract your academic duties.