Dear Ann Coulter, Bite Me.

Ann Coulter, conservative mouthpiece and perpetually agitated right-wing lady against everything fun, has had enough of the World Cup football frenzy.

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Miss Coulter penned a column in which she declared that America's growing interest in 'soccer' is a sign of the nation's "moral decay". She equates people pushing other people towards soccer in the same light as people demanding we love the fantastic Lena Dunham's GIRLS on HBO. (Seriously, what's wrong with GIRLS? Hint: Nothing, it's amazing.)

In sum, Ann Coulter thinks it's very un-American to like and watch soccer. It's not something Americans do apparently. Because it's "foreign".

Well Ann ...

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You can't tell us it's an un-American thing to like soccer when this guy right here is so gloriously proving you otherwise. And if he's not American, then your pretty face sure ain't made of America.

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And this one as well, for good measure ... He visited the USMNT's headquarters at Recife, Brazil to deliver an inspirational speech to encourage the boys to play hard against Germany. You know, something a true American might feel is his duty to his fellow Americans going into battle against zem Germans. Soccer battle.

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Ann Coulter says soccer is not "catching on" (her air quotes) in America. Although it definitely isn't as popular in America as it is EVERYWHERE ELSE AROUND THE WORLD, how is it so bad that there are thousands that do enjoy it (even if it be on a four-year or a USA's-still-in! basis)? I mean, she must be one lousy American if seeing the Stars and Stripes so majestically strewn across a vast arena in a foreign land by Americans proudly supporting their team makes her feel grumpy.

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Because, you know, the American flag does not usually get a lot of love outside of America.

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But I suppose Ann Coulter will be Ann Coulter. She will say and do things that will make you wish you were a tortoise so you could retract your neck slowly into your shell and come out only when she's gone.

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I'll say, though, it's ironic for someone who thinks something is really boring and crass to dutifully dedicate a whole column dedicated to that boring and crass activity. Dear Ann, if you don't like soccer, it's okay, you're entitled to your own weird set of likes and dislikes. But don't go calling out fans of the beautiful game for being un-American! Or, I dunno, you might have this to reckon with ...

... (not that you look particularly palatable.)