Hello,
Okay so obviously I'm responding to this ad because I saw it on an online publication, and not because I was searching the albany > all community > activity partners list on craigslist…(in the hopes that one day, despite how futile it seemed, a man would post an ad on the list of craig showcasing his wit and charm, searching for a girl to bring to a family function, and then after I responded, though we both agreed that it was just a joke, we would hit it off, fall in love and produce an egg carton's worth of aryan babies despite the fact that I'm a jew with dark hair and shit brown eyes)
Right, so anyway, after reading this article in a magazine (that someone SENT to me) I figured I would reach out.
I know right now you are probably on a high from having just "gone viral"…and so you believe that you are above answering any solicitous emails. But I will advise you that your current expectations are most likely preposterous. Don't get me wrong. With the new postings, I'm sure the already 500+ emails will expand into a sea of endless pussibilities for you… but after all is said and done… you'll find yourself a year down the road, at the next family engagement, faced with the feat of finding a date yet again, and the only thing that will have changed is that you will now most likely be a carrier of HPV, coincidentally another thing that has "gone viral".
I'm writing to inform you that you are not the first person to think or do this. You won't be the last. Throughout my 23+ years of living, I have finally come to terms with the fact that however genius my ideas are, and despite the fact that I developed them independently…. (I still adamantly believe that I invented the term FOMO)… chances are they've been done, and will be done better.
Lastly…since fate would have it that I did happen to just stumble across this ad, it would only be right for me to respond to it. In accordance with the prerequisites associated with this listing, I can assure you that I do in fact own a dress. In regards to attractiveness…A wise man once said "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" Though wise, this man was probably ugly. I do okay for myself. On the 1-10 spectrum.. I'd position myself somewhere along the middle, though there have been outliers. (Yes, I was once called a 2) However, my grandmother thinks I look like Ashley Olsen (not Mary Kate) which will be helpful for those blonde hair blue eyed babies I previously discussed.
You say your family is harsh? I can handle it. I come from the judging kind, and have had to defend my lack of a relationship for years now. Last Thanksgiving my cousin suggested I was a lesbian. I'm not. But that seemed to go over better than being single, so I kind of let it slide. I've also actually once been groped by an uncle of my own! This isn't meant to call attention to social services but rather highlight that my family parties hard and I'm no stranger to the drink. (It was a hard time for uncle Bobby. He must have confused me for a waitress)
I'm prepared to kill it on the dance floor. I'm no Victor Cruz, but I can moonwalk and harlem shake with the best of them. And I'm talking the real Harlem Shake, not this clowning bull shit that has spammed my facebook for the past 5 days.
Anyway, I cc'd my agent Carly… who lucky for you also happens to be a good time, and have taken it upon myself to add a tentative date in each of our google calendars for March 23rd. I was going to also include a breakfast on March 24th But I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
*Can you believe the dicks never responded? Talk about a match made in heaven. Here is the link to their original post.
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/02/ny-bros-look-for-wedding-dates-on-craigslist.html
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