Someone needs to pull over the York Regional Police (@YRP) immediately.
Their crime? Unsolicited dad jokes.
SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE - Expect a police presence as officers are investigating a suspicious package on Lorne Avenue in Newmarket.
SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE UPDATE - Turned out to be a backpack with homework inside. Only alarming thing found were the grades #FocusOnYourStudies
Yes, sure, they carry out their law enforcement duties and inform and protect the 1.1 million people residing in York, yadda yadda yadda.
Stolen goods on display seized as part of Project Navigator. Looking for the owners.
But they've committed — and continue to commit — a serious offense to jokes everywhere.
COW - On the loose on Hwy 48 / Bloomington Rd. Officers on the way to coral. Mooove out of it's way as it probably weighs more than your car
Groans have been heard in the area.
Officers on scene @TimHortons Hwy 27 / Sheardown Dr, King for a raccoon that won't leave area. Looks like he is dumpster diving for Timbits.
Knees are being slapped.
Markham meat market at 280 Elson may be having a door crasher sale today, as evident by the car that just drove through their front door.
BEAGLE ON THE LOOSE - In the area of Hwy 7 / Village Parkway in Markham. Officers trying to keep him off the Hwy but he's not listening.
And eyes are chronically being rolled by teens everywhere.
Driver stopped by @YRP this morning and issued ticket for Operate Vehicle With Flux Capacitor. #BackToTheFuture
COW UPDATE - They have been safely herded to their pasture by the farmer. Turned out the grass wasn't greener on the other side of the fence
A little K9 media relations training. Lesson #1 when in doubt, eat the microphone. @CTVToronto @iRunandRock
So, fact: @YRP is extremely father.
MATTRESS - Heads up on W/B Green Lane between Leslie St / Main St, for a mattress on the roadway. Please do not stop for a nap.
And not only with jokes. With the way they shamelessly expose and embarrass you in front of your cool druggy friends.
Awesome! Can we come too? MT @Sunith_DB8R Any dealers in Vaughan wanna make a 20sac chop? Come to Keele/Langstaff Mr. Lube, need a spliff.
No thanks @markusaaronxo . We're watching our daily calorie intake. Oh, by the way it's also illegal.
And they always end up being right.
FROSH RESPONSIBLY #PartyWithCaution @RyersonU @UofT @uofg @Harvard @UMich @SenecaCollege @queensu @PennStateFball
Because their most dad quality is looking out for your own good.
Busy getting our rooms ready for guests wishing to drink and drive on New Years Eve. #reservationsnotrequired
Even if it's in the most lovably lame way.
If driving drunk on New Years Eve we may also offer you one of our larger shared suites. #reservationsnotrequired