The Unspoken Rules Of Sharing Food With Friends

Exactly how many fries is “some”?

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“It’s never OK to intentionally not order french fries, but then take other peoples’.”
“If you order french fries alone, there’s an understanding that you must share.”
“No.”
“STRONG DISAGREE.”
“If you are the only person who orders french fries, others are ONLY entitled to them if YOU say they can have some.”
“Some = 3…spaced out over time.”
“If they’re normal fries, who the fuck cares. If they’re sweet potato fries, you will be monitored.”

Ice cream sharing: no.”
“Never, gross.”
“But if it’s like some special awesome ice cream and they just want ONE TASTE to see how special it is —”
“NO NEVER.”
“If it’s in a cup, you can share. BUT NO REUSING THE SPOON FOR SECOND BITES.”
“If you chose not to get ice cream, you must live with the decision you made.”

“You can always ask for gum, but don’t make a habit of it.”
“If you pull out gum in a public place, and people see you, then you need to share. ‘Cause it’s your fault you took out your gum in public.”
“I guess gum is OK, but at least have the decency to make it seem like you NEED the gum.”
“…like, ‘I just ate an entire head of garlic, please help.’”
“But, ‘Oh you’re chewing some gum I wanna be fancy and be chewing some gum too’ is NOT OK.”

“I’m going with my One Bite To Taste rule for burgers or sandwiches.”
“HALF A BITE. HALF.”
“Like, you watch my bites and you mentally calculate what half of that bite is.”
“It’s gross.”
“Only with BFFs.”

Soup?
“Keep away from my soup.”
“Literally swapping a trough of saliva.”
“People who ask for a slurp of your soup are UNHINGED.”
“I’d give my mom a bite of my soup — that is the one caveat here with all of these.”
“Moms are always allowed to have bites.”

“What about other liquids? Like sodas/milkshakes/slushies?”
“This is hard because of the backwash factor.”
“And the whole ‘how much saliva goes back into the drink when you sip through a straw?’”
“If they’re parched and dying and if there are no fountains or other liquids in sight, I say you give them a slurp of your liquid.”
“You’re a goddamn saint.”

Salad?”
“Loooooool.”

“I have def shared, like, a pot of Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese with a person, where we each just had a spoon and it was fair game.”
“That’s totally fair.”
“Mac ‘n’ cheese is The Universal Truth, Our One True Savior, The Beyoncé of Food, etc. It’s only right to share.”
“But if they’re continually coming and forking into your plate, there’s a problem.”
“Treat it with reverence.”

“Friendships can end by taking desserts that are not yours.”
“Don’t be a greedy dessert goblin.”
“But how awkward is it to eat cake on your own, with someone staring and salivating at you.”
“I’d do a lot for cake.”

“Only give a chicken nugget or wing to a BFF.”
“Fuck that. Share nuggets, share dumplings.”
“What if you wanted all of them?”
“Yeah, I ordered 40 nugz for a reason.”
“If I’m in the home stretch and almost done, then — and only then — can you have the rest.”
“I think all food is fair game once the person is like, ‘I’m finished.’”

“If you have a fancy cocktail, you deserve to sip every last drop of that cocktail.”
“‘Cause people always take bigger sips than they’re allowed.”
“I’m allowed a SIP because maybe I want my own.”
“Fair, but only ONE SIP.”
“Half sip.”

“Who asks for a sip of beer?”

Nachos are fine to share, right?”
“When you order nachos, you should be prepared to share.”
“But how many nachos? ‘You can have some.’ What’s SOME?”
“Some = 3.”
“Nachos are communal. You can’t apply numbers.”
“The big thing with nachos is making sure you don’t take all the toppings for yourself. Take the outerlying nacho with minimal cheese sauce, know your place.”

“Always share weed.”

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