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16 Signs You Are At A South Asian Wedding

No boxed gifts please.

1. The bride’s jewelry is worth more than your entire college education:

2. The wedding will never start on time. A 6 p.m. invitation actually means 8 p.m.:

For further reference: “Desi Standard Time”

3. Someone is throwing shade at someone:

 

4. There is a mutiny if the food is not buffet style:

 

5. Speaking of food, there are 10 out of 10 chances you will be eating biryani:

#win

6. There is always an “aunty” who comes up to all the single people and asks, “When are you getting married?” or says, “You’re next!”

 

#moreshade

7. Or you’ve been dragged to this wedding by your parents so they can set you up with someone:

Translation: “Someone has asked for your hand in marriage.”
Further Translation: “FML”

8. The invitation says “no boxed gifts please”:

 

It means we want cash.

9. There are hooligan children everywhere. There is no concept of a “kids table”:

 

10. There is always a coordinated dance-off between the groom’s side and bride’s side:

Fun fact: South Asians have been flash-mobbing for centuries.

11. There is no such thing as a small, intimate wedding. There are 300 guests minimum:

12. Did I mention an average wedding includes, like, five events? Completely clear the month of June, people:

#joy

13. If you are at a South Asian wedding in America, there is always one table of non-South Asian co-workers and friends who always look equal parts amazed and confused:

14. There is excessively sappy Bollywood music playing throughout the wedding:

 

Barf.

15. The mother of the bride is an emotional wreck:

16. And, of course, photography and videography are essential. You want to remember every moment:

This obsession with photography and videography is an extension of an obsession with Bollywood. Discuss.

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