1. Becoming an “EGOT” winner (winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, & Tony)
So what if only 11 people in history have ever won the Grand Slam of show business? Still more achievable than being loan-free in your thirties.
2. Throwing a perfect game
It’s said throwing a perfect game is wildly difficult. But not the MOST difficult thing (#avoidingloanofficers).
3. Being more flawless than Beyoncé
4. Winning the Triple Crown
It is literally easier to TURN INTO A HORSE, and then win the elusive Triple Crown than it is to pay off your student loans.
5. Breezing through the line at the DMV
Because the DMV only staffs two people, one of whom must always be on break.
6. Finding an affordable apartment in NYC or SF
A cozy 1-bedroom in your price range? Good one.
7. Winning the Lottery
Everybody gets a humpbacked whale!
8. Buying one thing at Target
And NOTHING from the dollar section.
9. Not loving “Let It Go”
Just try and be a hater.
10. Tightrope walking across the Grand Canyon.
Don’t worry, if you fall there is something waiting to catch you — it’s called the Grand Canyon.
11. Eating one Cheez-It
What do they put in those White Cheddar ones? Never mind, I don’t want to know.
12. Not clapping when someone says “Everybody clap your hands”
13. Hating Jennifer Lawrence
A famous celebrity who likes food, how could you hate her?
14. Understanding how taxes work
Do you even have money? WHAT IS MONEY?
15. Winning an Olympic Gold Medal
Just gonna casually take up competitive figure skating, BRB.
16. Waking up early and going to the gym before work
17. Having zero notifications on your phone
Not gonna happen.