1. Someone call the ambulance, I don’t know if Anton Chekhov will recover.
2. EZRA [just got a] POUND[ing].
3. Someone’s gonna need a ShakesBEER.
4. Ralph Waldo Emerson: respected essayist, lecturer, poet and…
5. Edgar Allen OooOOOooooh.
6. Uh-oh, can someone check on Emily Dickinson?
7. If you haven’t ostracized D.H. Lawrence, you better treat these wounds.
8. Joseph Heller’s first-degree burns need some attention!
9. Dear Walker Percy: Jump in that lake, stat, or else those burns are gonna scar.
10. James What-A-Dickey sears the sensitive flesh of Robert Frost himself.
11. John Steinbeck’s Of Mice And Men Who Need Some Aloe Vera For That Burn
12. Jack Kerouac is On The Road to the ICU!
13. Walt Whitman is probably wearing that coat to protect himself from jabs such as these…
14. More like Withering Heights, amIrite Emily Brontë?
15. Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, virtually cremated.
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