18 Things To Scream At A Cow

Cows are the worst, right?

1. HOW DAIRY YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT

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2. YOU BETTER BELIEVE I’M A BIG TIPPER

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3. QUIT MILKING THE COW THING AND GET A JOB ALREADY

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4. I’LL BURN YOU AT THE STEAK

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5. YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR WHOLE PROBLEM IS? YOUR HERD MENTALITY

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6. UM… SOMETHING ABOUT SOY MILK

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7. FOUR STOMACHS, ZERO PANTS

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8. PHRASES LIKE ‘WHERE’S THE BEEF’ AND ‘DON’T HAVE A COW, MAN’ ARE SO THOROUGHLY DATED THAT VIRTUALLY NONE OF TODAY’S YOUTH UNDERSTAND THEM, ERGO, YOU ARE SIMPLY NO LONGER CULTURALLY RELEVANT

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9. COWS ARE STUPID

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10. THE CASUAL RACISM IS NOT OK

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11. THERE WOULD HAVE TO BE A KITTEN APOCALYPSE TO GET BUZZFEED ANIMALS TO EVEN LOOK AT YOU

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12. GOD, YOU REALLY STINK

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13. I’M STANDING IN YOUR SHIT, AREN’T I

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14. IF A GUY GOT BIT BY A RADIOACTIVE COW, NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN, BECAUSE COWS HAVE NOTHING THAT COULD BE EVEN REMOTELY CONSTRUED AS A SUPER-POWER

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15.

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16. SCREAMING AT A COW ISN’T EVEN VERY SATISFYING, BECAUSE YOU JUST KEEP STARING AT ME

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17. WE WILL NEVER, EVER SEE A COW IN THE WHITE HOUSE

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18. I PREFER MANATEES

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