Four True Facts All Men Need to Hear About Being a Real Man
1. Real Men Don't Care About Looks
When I met my wife, I was not instantly attracted to her. She was of a different race (yes, I was a closet bigot. And if you can't admit to being one yourself, check this link: buzzfeed.com/sarahd/seventeen-ways-youre-racist-every-day-without-knowing-it) and eight inches taller than me. I still have to admit—if I'm being totally honest with myself—that I would prefer someone with a softer chin and thinner eyebrows. But there are a lot of things that she dislikes about my appearance, too, and this is the key: we are totally open and honest about that with each other. Every morning, she leaves a note on the mirror about the things I could improve, and every evening, I leave her a note responding to it. This is how we keep things smooth and sexy between us: communication.
2. Real Men Love Enthusiasm
If you want a boring fifties housewife kind of partner, you'd better wake up and check the calendar. My wife has passions, interests, and intense ambitions, and guess what? I find them sexy. She has this habit of grabbing my hand and pulling me forward whenever she's excited about something. I'll never forget the time we went to our first jazz concert—she loves jazz—and she was so excited she grabbed my hand and nearly pulled me down the stairs to get to our front row seats. I love that enthusiasm, that refusal to go anywhere without me, and I try to share my own passions with her as much as possible. That action—of pulling each other by the hand—has become a kind of symbol for our relationship, for our ability to share our passions with each other.
3. Real Men Hate Glass Ceilings
It's essential to the health of a relationship, and it's essential to being a real man, that you support your wife in any endeavor. When my wife got a promotion and was asked to relocate to Virginia in order to take her career in marketing the next step, guess what. I put my career on pause. She wouldn't be who she is, and I would be who I am, if she didn't have such an intense, career-driven personality. And now that we have adopted three gorgeous children, the way that my personality has molded to the duties of fatherhood has really made me blossom in beautiful and unexpected ways. And when she's out of town on business, even when I'm juggling diapers and tantrums and dinner on the stove, I still make time to call her every night. Because that's what real men do.
4. Real Men Aren't Homophobic
A real man understands that a person's sexual orientation is not what they ought to be judged by. When my wife started making a lot of friends in the gay and lesbian community, I have to admit that at first I was nervous. But I quickly realized that her new friends could be incorporated into our lifestyle, and that, considering how much they loved our children, the new situation would even give me some extra time to hole up in my room and work on my research interests. And when my wife wants to try something new in the bedroom, I don't get anxious and uptight anymore like I used to. Because real men understand that a person's orientation is just that: personal. It's a part of you that can't be bottled up, because it defines every aspect of who you are.
Now let's all get one thing clear, folks. It's still a very outdated, chauvinistic culture out there. And it's not just the women around us who suffer from it. So let's get off our asses and start applauding not only the brave women who are breaking out of the stifling norms of yesterday, but also the brave men who stand by their sides and applaud them.
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