The 13 Characteristics Every Chipotle Customer Should Have

Because Chipotle employees shouldn't be the only ones who have to meet certain standards.

1. Openness to Change

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Especially when you've gotta give that change away to pay extra for guacamole.

2. Basic

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You order the burrito bowl because "'tortilla' is Mexican for gluten".

3. Sophisticated

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Too sophisticated to go to Taco Bell, but not so much that you're willing to drive 5 more minutes to a decent Mexican restaurant.

4. The Opposite of Busy

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If you eat at Chipotle, you better free up your schedule and pencil in a food coma for 1 in the afternoon.

5. Hungry

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You can't just be like, "I could go for a burrito bowl right about now". Your digestive system needs to prepare itself for the most massive inward and outward flow of the freshest locally grown ingredients that the land of Ohio could possibly cultivate. That's how hungry you gotta be!

6. Adaptable

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"I'm on a diet of just unconventionally raised steak. How much conventionally raised steak is in one unconventionally raised steak? My doctor says I can't have too many conventions in my diet."

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7. Unpleasant

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You're a customer, it's in your DNA.

8. Articulate

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"I'll have some of that white stuff and 2 spoonfuls of that green sludge."

9. Indecisive

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Let everyone in on your systematic decision-making process by trying to decide between ordering your usual chicken burrito or if you should try something completely different like a carnitas salad.

10. Clever

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A true Chipotle customer is inventive enough to fill their free water cup with soda.

11. Knowledgeable

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You are well aware of the Secret menu and you take full advantage of it during the lunch rush with an employee who's still in-training.

12. Curious

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Especially about how much extra everything this employee can stuff in this burrito before it bursts.

13. Infectiously Enthusiastic

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You're so passionate about Chipotle that you turn to social media to announce to the world how much you crave a single burrito.

Buster | Radio @BUSTERradio

Ladies: You don't need a man... You need Chipotle!

11:52 PM - 17 Jun 2014

Too much sexual innuendo in one tweet

Alex Rogers @alexinheaven_

Just woke up.....I need chipotle in me like right freakin now. Anyone down to come?

06:55 PM - 28 Jun 2014

You mean the general feeling of hunger?

Sarah @heysarahxox

Does anyone else suffer from that disease that makes you crave chipotle 24/7

01:26 AM - 30 Nov 2012

It's always nice to hear that people still have goals.

@bootyxo

I need to lose my chipotle virginity wtf

12:47 AM - 21 Mar 2014

This is a fan fiction just waiting to be written.

Greg @Now_Thats_Fresh

One day my wife and i are gonna make love inside a 50 foot chipotle chicken bowl

11:13 PM - 24 Jul 2014