25 Signs You’re From Minneapolis

The Sin Cities, aka Minneapolis, St. Paul.

1. 1. You have a story about the time you ran into Prince.

The “world’s sexiest vegan” keeps us warm and toasty.

2. 2. You’re used to having a rollercoaster in the middle of the mall.

You can remove the Snoopy from the park, but you can’t remove the Snoopy from my heart.

3. 3. You hated Michelle Bachmann before anyone else did.

Keeping it batty since 2007.

4. 4. You join the ranks of Tommy Stinson, Tom Arnold and Dave Pirner in nursing a hangover after a night at the CC Club.

And may or may not have made out with someone with a face tattoo. These things happen.

5. 5. You think the Guthrie looks like an Ikea built for the Death Star, but it’s the best theater in town.

The Guthrie is the first theater to offer “Tweet Seats.”

6. 6. You have a sort of hometown pride in passive aggressive Post-It Notes. They’re both Minnesota inventions.

You’re welcome, everybody.

7. 7. You’ve had awkward small-talk with your parents driving past Sex World, the largest adult emporium in the United States.

We gotta stay warm somehow.

8. 8. There’s nothing you can’t eat on a stick.

Just leave some room for Tom Thumbs Mini Donuts.

9. 9. You’ve crossed the Wisconsin state line to buy booze on Sunday.

Godless Wisconsin doesn’t rest on the seventh day.

10. 10. Oh yah, you betcha know some hipsters.

Fixies. Beards. Microbrews. Indie presses. Flannels. Tall bikes. Need we go on?

11. 11. You have cravings for a Juicy Lucy.

The cheeseburger with the cheese on the inside was invented by Matt’s Bar in Powderhorn or the 5-8 Club in Nokomis.

12. 12. You’ve got an affinity for the Premium Grainbelt sign, even if you’ve outgrown their beer. (In favor of Surlys, of course.)

Even so, at less than a dollar a bottle for a 24 pack, Premium’s a helluva budget pick.

13. 13. “Interesting”, “different” and “healthy” are Minnesota Nice for “weird”, “terrible” and “fat.”

If you can’t say something nice, say it in loaded euphemism.

14. 14. You know how to eat pho the right way, even if you’re not sure how to pronounce it.

“Fuh”, “faux”, whatever. Between the cold bun chuy, the steaming hot pho and the DIY adjustable spice level, Minneapolis’s stunningly good Vietnamese restaurants got us covered year-round.

15. 15. You’ve had your pizza delivered by a superhero.

Galactic Pizza’s world-saving isn’t just a schtick. The whole operation is run on renewable energy, electric vehicles and sustainable agriculture.

16. 16. You’ve thrown up at Valleyfair.

The Wild Thing Hypercoaster was the 5th largest in the world when it was built in 1996.

17. 17. Bragging about the coldest winter you’ve lived through never gets old.

The coldest Minneapolis winter recorded was in 1888 when the temperatures dropped to -41F. I am sure they still didn’t call school off.

18. 18. You either love the Spoon Bridge or you hate the Spoon Bridge.

But you always love it when it’s on the seasonal Minneapolis Frango mint boxes.

19. 19. If you’re lucky, an invitation to dance and have a few drinks will land you doing the heel-toe polka step at Nye’s.

In 2006, Esquire Magazine named Nye’s the best bar in America. Esquire is correct.

20. 20. You remember Diablo Cody from the City Pages weekly paper.

Or the Skyway Lounge gentleman’s club.

21. 21. You know how to cross downtown without ever going outside.

Downtown Minneapolis has over 8 miles of climate-controlled human Habitrail.

22. 22. You’ve shopped at Oar Folkjokepus and Electric Fetus.

RIP, Oar Folk.

23. 23. You’ve rolled your eyes at the girls wearing practically nothing in line for a nightclub when it’s below zero.

Losing your toes to frostbite is not a cute look.

24. 24. You would never dream of taking the last piece of food at a party. (But you’ll “split it” until it’s subatomic.)

Etiquette dictates you disassemble bars down to the very last chocolate chip.

25. 25. You mist up a little over Twins hometown hero Joe Mauer flying home to the Twin Cities for the birth of his twins.

Happy birthday Emily and Maren! Squee.

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