20 Reasons A Twentysomething Would Never Survive “The Hunger Games”

“What’s the Wi-Fi password for this arena?”

1. You yelled out to the gamemaker and asked for the arena’s Wi-Fi password, thus giving up your location.

2. You didn’t know how to survive off of a diet that wasn’t solely McDonalds and Taco Bell.

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3. The berries you used to make scented candles turned out to be poisonous.

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4. You were lured into the Cornucopia on the promise of hummus and got killed.

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5. Life before the games was you lying in bed, binge-watching good shows on Netflix, so it’s safe to say that you’re severely out of shape.

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6. Networking with the other tributes in the Capitol was your downfall, so you made no allies and were everyone’s first target.

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7. You were killed while taking a nap.

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8. Your sponsor sent you rubbing alcohol for your wounds, but you used it to make mimosas for brunch instead. Your wounds got infected, and you died.

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9. You tired yourself out too easily while running on the beach, trying to get a thigh gap, which made it easy for the other tributes to attack.

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10. You caught fire while trying to cook your first meal on your own, sans microwave.

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11. You tried climbing a tree to get cell phone service, but you slipped on a branch and fell to your own death.

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12. You accidentally left the location finder on your tweets.

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13. Similarly, you were a fool and checked in on Foursquare.

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14. You tried to charge your iPhone by plugging it into the canopy tree, but you electrocuted yourself.

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15. You were attacked from behind while doing morning yoga.

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16. You took your own life because there was no Starbucks in the arena.

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17. Your one-night stand with a random tribute made another tribute jealous, so they attacked with a vengeance.

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18. You’re socially awkward, so you failed Caesar’s pregame interview, impressing no sponsors.

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19. The plants you tried smoking were made toxic by the gamemaker.

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20. And, in hopes of being closely associated with Jennifer Lawrence, you befriended Katniss Everdeen, but she ended up killing you, ‘cause, you know, it’s the freaking Hunger Games.

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