1. 1. The DJs from Radio Rock. Because they were essentially hipster pirates.
Whether it’s shagging Rhys Ifans, having a Kinks singalong with Phillip Seymore Hoffman or just giving Chris O’ Dowd a cuddle, The Boat that Rocked (or Pirate Radio as it was re-titled for American release) had the coolest bunch of 60s cats on board. They were funny, they had a selection of excellent stetsons, and they were frigging pirates playing illegal rock music for crying out loud.
Okay, the movie was longer than The Nile, but at least that meant more time pretending we were legitimately their friends.
2. 2. The Breakfast Club. They all came from different backgrounds BUT OH MY GOD WHEN THEY GOT TOGETHER THEY WERE SO PERFECT.
Do we want to be in this gang just so we might have a chance with Judd Nelson? Possibly. But we’re totally into all those existential chats and running down many corridors too. Now if you excuse us, we have some perpetual sobbing to Simple Minds to be doing.
3. 3. The Goonies. Because when your home faces demolition and you must set upon an underground voyage against Spanish one eyed pirates, you just want your best mates around with you.
Plus, we wouldn’t mind giving The Fratellis a piece of our mind, either. Chelsea Dagger was a terrible song. (Bit of 2006 humour for you there.)
4. 4. Firefly - because we are ALSO wisecracking, gun-touting impossibly attractive space cowboys.
If we wish really, really hard.
5. 5. The Avengers. Even our best friends sometimes get on our nerves.
Every friendship group needs their own Hulk.
6. 6. The Channel 4 News Team, which goes without saying.
We just want to make San Diego a better place.* (*go suit shopping.)
7. 7. King Arthur & His Knights of the Round Table, because their defence tactics are the best in the business.
8. 8. The Greasers, because we share similar tastes in leather, cars, and dance moves.
Although we’d probably ditch the guy that sings, “Did she put up a fight?” when they’re singing about Danny and Sandy’s summer lovin’. Bit weird.
9. 9. The lot from Shaun of the Dead. Because we know what “exacerbate” means.
Sure, it’s zombie apocalypse and that, but we really want to pop down to the Winchester.
10. 10. The shop gang from High Fidelity.
Hanging out making top 5 lists all day long, listening to records and John Cusack. We just want to be cool, really.
11. 11. Team Rocket from “Pokémon,” because they are fabulous.
Plus we’d be inclined to rip our heads off with some sort of sharp cleaver if we had to hang out with Ash and his freaky baby Pikachu he won’t let grow up.
13. 13. The Spice Girls, because we’re no fools.
May god have mercy on our lipgloss.