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The 10 Stages Of Trying (And Failing) To Get In Shape

This is not a tale of triumph. It is a tale of laziness, and most of us are well-acquainted with it.

1. Stage 1: Motivation.

Your mission to get fit starts with the excitement of picturing yourself looking amazing on the beach.

It seems really simple: you’re going to start working out and stop eating junk food. By Memorial Day you’ll look and feel like this:

So you head to the gym for the first time in months.

You’re totally prepared to bring it.

YOU’RE SO READY FOR THIS.

8. Stage 2: The horrible realization about your total lack of fitness.

10 minutes into your workout, reality starts to set in:

You’re completely out of shape.

And you have NO idea what you’re doing:

16. Stage 3: Anger.

Everyone at the gym is hotter than you.

And the people around you actually look like they’re having fun working out.

18. Stage 4: Overwhelming regret.

You stick it out for another half hour, but you suddenly aren’t sure if you’re humanly capable of running for more than 10 minutes at a time without dying.

This is your face after leaving the gym. But it’s okay - tomorrow is a new day. You have to start somewhere, right?

Then you wake up the next morning and you’re so sore you can barely walk.

21. Stage 5: Demotivation.

You think about how you have to work out again today or you’re never going to get in shape in time for summer.

You drag yourself to the gym a few more times, but by the end of the week you’re so over it.

And this is your reaction when someone asks how your new fitness routine is going:

Whatever, at least you’ve been good about your diet. Until there’s a birthday party at work and someone offers you cake.

27. Stage 6: Temptation.

Thoughts like these start running through your head:

29. Stage 7: Gluttony.

YOU REALLY MISS FOOD AND YOU WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING AND NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP YOU.

You eat 5,000 calories in one sitting, rendering your week’s worth of dieting and exercise completely useless.

35. Stage 8: Denial.

At first you’re like, “I can’t believe I ate all of that AND stopped going to the gym.”

36. Stage 9: Apathy.

But then you’re like:

38. Stage 10: Acceptance.

You give up, embrace your laziness, and carry on (until you do the same exact thing next spring).

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