Another year of political voting and rather bizarre performances wraps up in Malmö, Sweden. The 2013 Eurovision Song Contest had so many questions like why didn’t a decent act go through to the finals.
So here are some advice for participating countries on choosing the right act (many of them are just as cringeworthy as it looks):
1. Sing in tune!
Singing in tune is key, sadly this entry from Bulgaria might have blown their chance to reach the finals if they didn’t sing out of tune.
2. Avoid being TOO trashy!
Yes, this is Finland’s entry and song is titled “Marry Me”. Asking people to marry me looking and acting like US singer Ke$ha, you would avoid her. Plus, with a girl-on-girl kiss at the end, no wonder that upset the Turkish broadcasters.
And if you think that’s the end of her, she is set for US domination very soon.
3. Don’t have a song that encourage alcoholism
OK Greece, just because your country is in financial trouble, doesn’t mean your entry titled “Alcohol is Free”, would be a winner. With lyrics like “In an endless sea of good old whiskey”, “The earth is dizzy”, “Alcohol is free” and “Perhaps they got whiff of us”, you’d expect that message for audience that includes kids and teens, not wise.
4. Don’t have lyrics that are “too desperate”
France may be one of the big 5 financial contribution to the Eurovision Song Contest (also includes the United Kingdom, Germany, Spain and Italy), even with political voting,doesn’t mean that the song shouldn’t contain lyrics that sound too desperate.
With lyrics like “You made me cry with burning tears”, “I’m gonna give you hell ‘till you’re out of breath” and “Have a good look in the rear mirror, I ‘ll be the one standing behind you”, you might need a better songwriter.
5. Dubstep and beautiful voice DON’T MIX!
Montenegro’s entry used dubstep but in rap, dubstep during a beautiful singing is not the best combination. Take note Slovenia, A nice voice, wasted by dubstep sounds.
6. Make an impression with your look, that includes eyewear
costume choice is key, unfortunately this entry from Moran Mazor of Israel had one flaw: the glasses. This never made the finals, but choosing the right eyewear could change all that. The phrase “Should’ve gone to [affix high street opticians here]” is a reason for that.
7. Avoid dressing up like a doll
Moje 3 from Serbia have a decent tune, but their looks… interesting. Next time, choose a more decent outfit to perform, rather than looking like clowns.
8. Don’t go OTT
If you’re the Romanian entry, perhaps that explains why your performance is more like “What the F***!?” (and yes, his voice goes opera 35 seconds into the performance).
9. Don’t choose space suits as a costume choice (and avoid rap)
Rap duo Who See failed to make the finals with this song, but dressing up as an astronaut is probably too bulky. It’s also worth noting, rap isn’t always a wise choice, since it doesn’t always win at Eurovision (like Daz Sampson’s UK entry from 2006).
(P.S. Isn’t the female singer wearing futuristic google glass?)
10. Ireland… explain this…
Unfortunately this entry from Ireland ended up in last place, probably explains why big drums in a pop beat just don’t mix. (Someone from Ireland please explain why?)
11. Learn from the winning entry from Denmark
Emmelie de Forest of Denmark won the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest with this performance, and rightly deserved.
See you in Denmark in 2014!