The Brilliant Aliases Of “Seinfeld”

A look back on the best pseudonyms from the characters of Seinfeld.

1. H.E. Pennypacker

Who: Kramer
When: “The Millenium”
Why: To help Elaine get revenge on a store by repricing all the merchandise in the store with his pricing gun.

And in “The Puerto Rican Day” Pennypacker becomes an interested buyer for an apartment, in order to use its bathroom.

2. Kel Varnsen

Who: Jerry
When: “The Puerto Rican Day” and “The Boyfriend”.
Why: To catch up on the Mets game in a stranger’s apartment.

He pretends to be working at George’s imaginary “Vandelay Industries.”

3. Art Vandelay

Who: No one at all?
When: “The Stakeout”, “The Boyfriend”, “The Puerto Rican Day”.
Why: George and Jerry need an excuse to give to a woman as to why they are waiting in the lobby of the office building where she worked. So they say they are waiting on a meeting with Art Vandelay, a made up person, for lunch.

Art then becomes Elaines pretend boyfriend.

And George pretends to be Art while sneaking into an apartment.

4. Latex Salesman from Vandelay Industries

Who: George
When: “The Latex Salesman”.
Why: Out of time on his unemployment, George tells the unemployment office he is close to a job with Vandelay Industries, a company that makes latex products and whose main office is Jerry’s apartment.

Vandelay Industries went on to become somewhat of a cult phenomenon.

5. The Architect

Who: George
When: All the time
Why: He really wants to be one.

6. The Assman

Who: Kramer
When: “The Fusilli Jerry”
Why: At the Department of Motor Vehicles office, Kramer receives someone else’s vanity plate, which to his astonishment reads “ASSMAN”. He then poses as a doctor of…proctology…in order to gain parking at the hospital.

7. The Marine Biologist

Who: George
When: “The Marine Biologist”
Why: Jerry meets an old college classmate who asked about George, whom Jerry says is now a marine biologist.

8. Susie

Who: Elaine
When: “The Susie”
Why: Elaine’s co-worker Peggy thinks that Elaine is a different woman named “Susie”. Of course hilarity ensues as the episode progresses and Elaine poses as both herself and Susie.To end the craziness Elaine announces that Susie took her own life, and even delivers a eulogy at the wake.

9. Dr. Martin Van Nostrand.

Who: Kramer
When: Used in the “The Slicer”, “The Strike”, and “The Nose Job”.
Why: Posing as a dermatologist for a cancer screening at George’s company, Kruger Industrial Smoothing. Kramer also attempts to get hold of Elaine’s medical chart to erase the negative comments her doctor has made in “The Package”.

He passes as a doctor in great Kramer fashion.

What makes aliases even more confusing? When they collide.

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