Whether you are just coming out of the closet and trying to navigate your feelings, or simply want to see some characters on the big screen that reflect your own life; Netflix is a place you can always safely turn to. The only problem? Good lesbian films are few and far in-between, and the Netflix options are slim-pickings (you can’t just watch Desert Hearts over and over). So you end up watching these movies at 2AM , maybe with a pizza, and when the credits roll you have a weird sense of guilt. Why did I sit through that?
What you are experiencing is “hate watching”, and don’t worry, everyone does it. It’s like watching a slow motion train wreck; it’s so bad…but girls are kissing and you can’t look away.
Here are some of the most common “hate watching” offenders:
1. Kissing Jessica Stein
Why You Watch: It had “kissing” in the title…kissing a girl. Sorry, what was the question?
Why You Love it: Two girls kissing.
Why You Hate it: The acting was okay (at best), but the overall tone got quite preachy. You find yourself actually annoyed by how annoying these characters are. If you can’t love the characters, you can’t love the movie.
So, instead of never watching it ever again, you find yourself watching just the good parts over and over.
2. Lost and Delirious
Why You Watch: See the cover? See what’s going on there? That’s why.
Why You Love it: So many feelings, so much angst.
Why You Hate it: So many feelings, so much angst.
So, you order it on Amazon and shove it under your bed to watch when you really need to cry. Or when want to stare at Piper Perabo for a while.
3. Room In Rome
Why You Watch: You heard it was about two girls in a hotel room, and that they were naked the entire time.
Why You Love it: It was two girls in a hotel room, and they were naked the entire time.
Why You Hate it: Was there dialogue? You vaguely remember some subtitles… but you could never pay attention to the actual plot or character development.
So, you watch it when you are completely alone. Watching it with anyone else would be too awkward to imagine.
4. Therese and Isabelle
Why You Watch It: Lesbians.
Why You Love It: It was in black and white. So romantic! Two girls finding love at boarding school. It could happen right?!
Why You Hate It: It’s an old film, so the love scenes are relatively tame. It had the plot-line of two girls finding love at boarding school, but only after they had horrible relationships with men. Sigh.
5. You Will Be Mine
Why You Watch It: Two girls crawling over each other on the cover? Yea i’ll take a look.
Why You Love It: The two actresses were beautiful, and the movie’s score was equally beautiful.
Why You Hate It: Another movie about a dysfunctional and manipulative relationship between women? Yes, another one. You could predict the entire plot and ending without pressing play.
Why You Watch It: More girls crawling over each other on the cover…seems like a common trend.
Why You Love It: The leading ladies have chemistry on screen, no one is denying that.
Why You Hate It: The teacher/student romance has creepy mother and daughter undertones that kill the mood… fast.
So, you stick to Loving Annabelle when you feel the need to watch the cliche train-wreck of student and teacher relationships.
7. Chasing Amy
Why You Watch It: The main character is a lesbian…too good to be true?
Why You Love It: You loved Clerks, so hey why not check out this other Kevin Smith film. Ben Affleck makes you smile!
Why You Hate It: The lesbian ends up dating Ben Affleck. He no longer makes you smile.
So, you go on a rant about how awful it was, but watch it one month later. The cycle repeats.
8. Summer Lover
Why You Watch It: It’s based around the story of the lesbian poet Sappho. It could be educational and fun to watch.
Why You Love It: Beautiful scenes and beautiful people.
Why You Hate It: At the end, you realize you have wasted over an hour of your life, especially since the tropes are so predictable you could have saved yourself some time by not pressing play.
9. Water Lilies
Why You Watch It: Lesbians.
Why You Love It: Tons of euro-teen angst set against the backdrop of competitive synchronized swimming. Everything is better in French, and this is proof.
Why You Hate it: Actually, this one wasn’t too bad. Maybe that’s because it’s only 85 minutes long, so the time it takes to watch it doesn’t allow the building of “hate watching” emotions. Yeah, let’s go with that.
10. Heavenly Creatures
Why You Watch It: Kate Winslet? Yes, please.
Why You Love It: Kate Winslet? Yes, please. It doesn’t matter what is going on because she was on the screen and everything was okay.
Why You Hate It: This. Movie. Is. Crazy. You never want to watch it again because you are scarred for life. What’s worse is that it’s based on a true story.
And now you have nightmares with Kate Winslet in them, which is just wrong.
Bad acting. Ridiculous plots. Terrible production. Of course we can’t blame Netflix for our “hate watching” marathons. We watch these films because there simply aren’t enough good options out there. We can only hope that one day we won’t have to hide our Netflix history from loved ones due to shameful late night binge watching sessions of films like these.