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The base fare of a flight
Hidden taxes, upgrades fees, and costs to check baggage
Getting to the airport
Security lines that rival the tween masses at a Twilight premiere
Frequently updated reading material regarding the latest trend in the security safety manual
Of course, if your bag runs through the X-Ray clean, it’s probably because a 4oz bottle of shampoo is hidden in your breasts
Schlepping your luggage through the airport
Delays with no real explanation or estimate of an actual departure time
Standby and over-booked flights
People who don’t understand the concept of “carry-on” luggage
Making you the “I don’t give a sh*t if there’s no overhead space, I REFUSE to check my bag” passenger once you’ve boarded the aircraft
The impending safety risk
Your seat-mate who decided to come on board with a four course Thanksgiving dinner
And Coughy McSneezy to your left
Or perhaps you’re seated next to this bundle of joy
Don’t forget the insta-recliner seated in front of you
And despite your best efforts, being forced to resort to the airplane lavatory
Most likely during turbulence
Class discrimination
The amusing “friend” who had a little too much fun while you were taking a mid-flight nap
Over-eager Mile High Club wannabes
And finally, your inevitably lost luggage
So here’s to a safe, prompt, orderly flight— and having the good sense to drive next time
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