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Lindsay Lohan's "I clearly take the severity of my crime very seriously. If my word isn't enough, just look at the severity of my cheekbones" strategic contouring
Taylor Momsen's "I'm so tough that I can give myself a black eye" smokey eye
Kelly Osbourne's "I got cast on Fashion Police because I clearly have no place being on Makeup Police" hair, lip, and foundation choices
Kris Kardashian's "I love being with my family sooo much that if my face wasn't frozen, it would look like I loved being with my family so much" Botox treatment
The "I thought it would be fun to dip the base of my hair in a lighter version of my current hair color so I can look like I spent a ton of money coloring my hair 8 months ago" ombre style
Ross Geller's "These Whitestrips are so comfortable that I started watching Jurassic Park and completely forgot I had them on" teeth whitening attempt
Lady Gaga's "Sometimes I like to dunk my face in a bucket of tie-dye paint" eyebrow and lip color
Christina Aguilera's "I just got back from a vacation on the sun" spray tan
Nicole Kidman's "I'm completely oil-free and photo ready as long as the camera doesn't have a flash" over-powdering
Leighton Meester's "I let my 5 year old niece do my makeup today" color explosion
Mischa Barton's "I'd like to look consistently embarassed for the entire evening" blush treatment
Drew Barrymore's "Yikes, I really didn't think this through" yellow eyeshadow
Kim Kardashian's "I found this color in my cabinet from that year I spent in a dark Alaskan cave" foundation
Carrie Bradshaw's "I'm getting married today, but also have a gut feeling I'll be getting stood up at the altar" frightened wedding look
Eva Longoria's "I didn't sleep at all last night and this seemed like the best solution" concealer
Tyra Banks' "Would you believe my electric went out right before I hit the red carpet?! I didnt want to stand anyone up so I just did my makeup in the dark" eye shadow
Kat Von D's "I'm Kat Von D, so this is not only socially acceptable, but expected of me" makeup and tattoo choices
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