10 Things Nobody Tells You About Moving To Australia

We know about the sun, surf and super-flexible meaning of "Happy Hour". But here are some things that will sneak up on you when you make the move Down Under.

1. Australia and “‘Straya” Are Not the Same Thing

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On occasion, you might see a viral-video online of shirtless, beef-jerky-coloured Aussie men with big beards and even bigger beer guts, skulling a six-pack of VB and then starting a fight for no apparent reason with a gang of passers-by, called out for with a resounding “OY!”

“My”, you might think, “Australia certainly seems a bit full on.” Little do you know that that is not Australia – at least not really. That is what is fondly known as “‘Straya'” – a land full of rat-tail haircuts, non-ironic mullets, Southern Cross tattoos of extremely dodgy quality, binge-drinking in astonishing quantities, fighting for no apparent reason, and liberal use of C-word. But it is about as far removed from the experience of the average Australian as “‘Murica'” – that obese nation of scooter-riding-Walmart fiends with Bald Eagles tattooed on their asses – is to the average American. Stereotypes are just that, and there is obviously a lot more to Australian society than beer and fighting. Despite what the internet and Russell Crowe would have you believe.

2. You Will Hate Vegemite Until You Can't Live Without It

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The first time I tried vegemite, I thought it was disgusting. It's understandable. I mean, you don't often eat things that look - and taste - like they were dredged up from the sea-floor. But it snuck up on me. I started to put it on toast. Just a little bit. Then I tried it with avocado and wondered what I'd been doing with my life up until that point. Then I tried it with avocado and cheese and now I go through about a tub every three weeks. It's the best problem I've ever had.

3. Their Slang May Confuse You At First

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I’m sure you knew this one already, but I honestly find myself taken aback by it even still on occasion. For example this is a sentence someone actually said to me when I first moved here: “I got this eskie for free this arvo, doesn’t matter, still good as, but.” If you, like me, grew up elsewhere, this might be a little hard to interpret at first.

Shall we play a game of translate? Let’s break it down – “I got this eskie on sale this arvo…” = “I got this cooler for free this afternoon”. “…doesn’t matter, still good as” = “doesn’t matter, it’s still as good as new.” The Aussie penchant for the phrase “(random adjective) as”, really confused me for the first little while. I kept waiting for the rest of the sentence. Good as what? Nothing, is what I learned. That phrase doesn’t really end, it just is. And the “But”? “But” is an acceptable way of saying “however”, at the end of a sentence. Sentences ending with “but” are not unusual, but they do make my inner grammar nerd cry.

4. There is a Nickname for Absolutely Everything

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While we’re on the topic of grammar, let me talk about the nicknames. Sooo many nicknames. Fun fact – if your name is John, as soon as you set foot on Australian soil, you become “Jono”. You could also be a Rob-o, a Dan-o, a Dave-o. If you are British, you are immediately a Pom. If you are American, you are a seppo because Americans are Yankees. Yankees are Yanks. Yank rhymes with Tank. Septic Tank. Sep…Seppo. Okay?

And then there’s bickie, Chrissie, dero, footy, garbo, journo, mossie, pokie, rego, sickie, sunnies and Tassie. The list goes on, but I’m too Canadian to explain it properly.

5. Every Occasion is an Occasion for a Barbecue

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Christmas? Can totally barbecue. Australia Day? Obviously Barbecue. New Years Day? Seems like as good a time as any for a barbecue. Nothing to do on Sunday? Barbecue. Don’t feel like cooking on a Tuesday night? Barbecue. If you’re anything like me, this is totally cool, because deliciousness.

However, if you are a vegetarian, things can get a little difficult.

6. It Is Occasionally Terrifying

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We all know that Australia is home to any number of poisonous and terrifying creatures, including this tree which can, if you touch it, cause “the worst type of pain you can imagine – like being burnt with hot acid and electrocuted at the same time.” (WAT).

On average though, you really don’t see too many terrifying creatures. Unless you like to go hiking, in which case watch out for terrifying venomous snakes. Or you live outside the city, in a rural area and want to…you know…go outside. Or if you go swimming and there’s sharks and jellyfish sometimes. You’re pretty much safe in the city though…except for giant, terrifying (but harmless) cockroaches that will haunt your dreams and shit on your toothbrush. Have fun!

7. It is Appallingly Expensive in Ways That Will Make You Want to Cry

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For example: $6 Revlon lipstick costs $23 here. 23 DOLLARS. And don't even get me started on the housing prices. *COUGH* A one bedroom for $800,000 plus in Sydney. *COUGH*

8. They Do Like to Drink a Lot and You Probably Can’t Keep Up

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Believe me, I tried. It went a little something like that.

9. They Are Really Serious About Their Coffee

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If you want to make an Australian puke, just utter the phrase, “Actually, I prefer drip coffee.” Fun fact: The shudder is involuntary.

10. Aussies Work to Live

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The North American obsession with success at any and all cost is demonstrably absent from the Australian psyche, as is the idea that you MUST have a career that you love so that you can work all hours of the day and night at it and not be resentful. The Aussie attitude is to find a job that you're fine with doing, work it without making it your life, so that you can go home and enjoy the real pleasures in life – beautiful times with family and friends. I gotta say – I like it Australia.