26 Things British Muslims Know To Be True

Lots of family gatherings, political experts and Chicken Cottage.

1. Living in Britain, you know there’s a drinking culture. So if you went to university and you didn’t drink alcohol, you were definitely worried that you wouldn’t make any friends.

2. And although some gave you funny looks.

“But why don’t you drink!?”

3. Mostly they were cool and no-one cared (thanks guys!).

4. And over the years of after-work drinks and well, any-time drinks at university, you learn that Diet Coke gets real boring, real fast.

It’s obviously a diet drink, I mean you’re only drinking soft drinks all night because you always forget about the existence of J20.

5. But you know that your life has always been different. While most of your friends have large family gatherings once or twice a year, you see your extended family at least once a month.

6. And someone in that family has prayer beads set up in their car.

7. Oh, and you have at least one uncle who believes he knows something about everything. Whether its politics…

8. …or the best tactics that coaches and managers should use, regardless of the sport.

9. You also have a lot of Muslim friends on social networks. And last month, there was at least one person in your Facebook news feed that had something to say about the whole M&S fiasco.

If you don’t remember, the Telegraph reported that Muslim staff at Marks & Spencer could refuse to sell pork and alcohol.

10. Then someone else posted this link, noting that it’s not just Muslims that get special treatment.

11. Speaking of Facebook, you hear about Palestine a lot – and either you, or a close friend, has at one point had some kind of Palestinian flag as their profile picture.

12. One more on politics: you’ve never understood Anjem Chaudhry. And no, he shouldn’t ever be invited back onto the BBC or be seen as a figurehead for Muslims.

13. Side note: whenever Mehdi Hasan is on Question Time, someone in your family gets a text.

14. And you especially liked the time he called out the Daily Mail.

In fact, you really wanted to do this to everyone else in your room when that happened.

15. It’s not just Mehdi Hasan who the Muslim community are proud of, though. There’s some politicians too, like Sadiq Khan and Sayeeda Warsi.

They’re always in the news, so you assume they must be doing something right.

16. Oh, and Mo Farah, arguably Britain’s greatest talent at the 2012 London Olympics. You’re definitely proud of him.

17. You’ve also been enjoying the rise of Muslims on TV and films, such as Citizen Khan, which you consider the TV equivalent of Marmite. You either love it or you hate it.

And if you love it, it’s a family event.

18. Then there was that fabulous piece of political satire, Four Lions.

19. Speaking of Four Lions, you were pretty impressed by the shout-out to the Halal version of KFC, Chicken Cottage.

20. And now you know it exists, there’s nothing you’d like more than be invited to a Chicken Cottage Awards ceremony.

21. Speaking of halal food, this is how you feel after getting really excited about buying something (sweets, normally), reading the ingredients when you get home and realising you can’t eat it.

22. One last note on halal food, why is the halal option on airlines always some sort of South Asian food?

23. To end, Muslims are pretty well integrated into Britain. Look what happened when a survey asked people if they were proud to be British citizen.

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Much to the chagrin of some tabloids, it turned out that British Muslims feel more proud of being a British citizen than the average UK citizen.

24. The results were even better when British people were asked if they “identified with the UK”.

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25. And two-thirds of British Muslims said they’re proud of British culture. Which means that they’re strongly in favour of “Fish and Chips Friday”.

26. Let’s end on a high.

:)

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