20 Answers To Questions You’re Afraid To Ask Your Friends With Kids

Now you know. http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/questions-youre-afraid-to-ask-your-friends-with-kids

1. Do you ever think, “Why the hell did I do this…?”

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No. Never*

*except always.

2. What happens if your kid turns out to be a little jerk?

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I don’t know what you’re talking about.

*He's really not. I love him to pieces.

3. Like, it’s not your fault, it just comes out and is kind of dickish. What do you do?

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Nope, still don’t get it. Who’s child is this?

4.Because you know you can’t return this thing, right?

Via richmondmobilecomputerrepair.com

I knew I shouldn’t have cut off that piece of his penis. That totally voids the warrantee.

5. Exactly how much poop do you clean up on a daily basis?

Via farmatfalconridge.com

Let’s just say if turned it into compost I could have been a great organic produce supplier for a smallish town.

6. What do you do when you want to watch Game of Thrones?

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Well, Gramps, that’s why Zeus gave us the benevolent gifts of laptops and earphones.

7. Are you offended when I call the kid “it” instead of by a real name?

Via xkcd.com

It’s better than some of the names I call it sometimes in my head.

8. Do you ever see them crying and think, “There is no God”?

Via th03.deviantart.net

I’ve learned there is no God on The Night Of Seven Pukes. Now i’m just numb.

9. Actually, just why do they cry so much? Is there a way to make it stop?

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Stop what? I can’t hear a thing

10. Do you feel bad when you have to punish your kids?

Via images.sodahead.com

Yes. But I will feel worse when I have to shlep to juvy every week for a visit in 15 years.

11. What do you do if you’re kid’s being a total weirdo?

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I remember: Genetics! The gift that keeps on giving!

12. Does your kid ever scare the shit out of you?

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Let’s just say I make a point of staying on his good side.

13. Do you ever wish you could hop in a time machine and just… NOT?

Via i2.mirror.co.uk

You had me at time machine

14. How much sleep do you ACTUALLY get each night?

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After years of rigorous training, I can sleep through The Mothafuckin Blitzkrieg

15. What happens if you can’t tone down your cursing?

Via i.eurosport.com

You find yourself having to explain to Real Madrid fans why your 6yo just called Ronaldo’s mom a prostitute.

16. If you have more than one, will you love them both equally?

Well. for the the first few months you’ll probably barely be able to stand either one of them, but it gets better afterwards. Also - equally doesn’t mean “the same”.

17. When do babies stop being blobs and start being fun?

Via i.chzbgr.com

About the same time you should get yourself a good, sturdy leash.

18. Are you nervous your kids will hear you having sex and be traumatized for life?

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Good chance I’m gonna traumatize them anyways, so why not while doing something fun?

19. Does your house just get completely trashed every time they’re awake?

Via blogger.com

Remind me what a "floor" looks like.

20. What do you do if your kid loves your partner more?

Via iwu.edu

He is free to make his own choices. I just happened to be the one with all those delicious cookies.

Bonus Answer: Is It Worth It?

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More than anything else in the known universe.