16 Totally Not Sarcastic Responses To Questions Indians Are Bored Of Hearing

Totally.

1. Do you work in a call centre too?

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Yup. My ancestor invented the world's first call centre. That's all we know, really.

2. No? Soooo are you an IT guy then?

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Yup. Even call centres need IT personnel, you know.

3. Why do you guys always eat food that's so... nuclear?

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We believe the subsequent fire coming out of your ass is a reliable disinfectant for those germ infested toilets.

4. And what is this never ending obsession with butter chicken?

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Hahahaha. We're not obsessed with butter chicken. No idea what in the world you're even talking about.

5. Is your favourite director M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong?

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Oh yes. No other director has been such a prominent representative of Indian cinema.

Great work with the pronunciation, by the way.

6. Does every Indian do that Bhangra dance all the time?

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Every second of every minute of every hour of every damn day.

(Even our Kathakali dancers can't get enough.)

7. Is India like, covered with litter and garbage like in Slumdog Millionaire?

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Stinky as shit.

8. And is every spot in the country overflowing with people, you know, like in Slumdog Millionaire?

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Positively teeming.

9. What is it like living with your extended family?

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We stack up on top of each other during bedtime because of the space constraints.

Apart from that, mad fun.

10. Do all Indians talk like Apu from The Simpsons?

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Oh yess of course. Vee alll speak like thiss. TOTTOPOTTOGOTTOMOTTO. Yevrybuddy spikk like thissssss.

11. Why are you guys so obsessed with fairness creams?

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Well, the containers are super effective when you hurl them at someone's face. For whatever reason.

12. Why the hell are you guys always dominating all the Spelling Bees?

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It's a knack, really.

13. So at what age are you getting your arranged marriage deal?

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Whenever I get a single hit on my shaadi.com profile, you can consider it done.

14. How much time in a day do you spend worshipping your 187453945238948732 gods?

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Just one, actually. :)

15. Oh, I see. Do you guys obsess with cricket so much because that's the only sport you're good at?

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Yeah. We suck at EVERYTHING that doesn't include a bat and a ball.

16. Most importantly, how proficient are you at speaking Indian?

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My Indian isn't too strong, really. I believe "bhaad mein ja, haraamkhor" means "Have a lovely day, you lovely person!"

So, "Bhaad mein ja, haraamkhor!" :) :) :)