1.
Your Opal card never registers on the first tap. Never.
2.
The peak-hour rush towards the quiet carriage is brutal.
3.
Especially if you're at Central Station, where every platform is a mosh pit.
4.
There is never any parking at Epping Station.
5.
You sometimes wish you could be rude and say no when someone asks to take the "middle seat".
6.
There is always one guy on your carriage who doesn't shower and makes a point to sit next to you.
7.
But it's definitely a worse fate to have to stand the whole trip.
8.
When you finally do get a seat, it's warm from another person's butt.
9.
There's always that one douche who places their briefcase/handbag on the seat next to them to prevent others from sitting there.
10.
The person having breakfast next to you will inevitably spill their coffee or Vegemite toast crumbs upon you.
11.
Personal space is ~not~ a thing.
12.
There's always that one passenger on the phone discussing their personal life for the whole carriage to hear.
13.
When someone next to you on the train farts, you're convinced you'll die of gas poisoning.
14.
No three words strike fear in your soul like "Bus Replacement Service".
15.
And there's usually construction work happening on the weekends.
16.
Or every day at Cheltenham.
17.
Your train conductor decides a 7:15 a.m. express service to the city is the perfect time to try out his comedy routine over the loudspeaker.
18.
Your clothes always get crumpled in transit.
19.
You're guilty of purposefully avoiding eye contact with people you know.
20.
Same goes for randoms who try and engage in conversation with you.
21.
Occasionally you have to squeeze past people to get to your seat and your privates touch.
22.
And the moment you get comfortable in your seat, you have to get up to let someone out.
23.
Your shoulder unwillingly becomes a pillows for your neighbouring passenger.
24.
But that gets infinitely worse if the person next to you is sick.
25.
When it's after 8 o'clock and you miss the train on the Inner West Line and have to wait another 20 mins for the next one.
26.
So you take a nap to pass the time.
27.
Sometimes you over nap, miss your stop, and end up in Woop-Woop.
28.
You always feel like you need a second shower when you brave the underground platforms at Town Hall.
29.
But tbh nothing makes you feel better than when you're finally off that damn train!
