Fact #2: Contact lenses aren’t for everyone.
They’re a hassle. And expensive. And just not some people’s cup of tea.
Fact #3: Same with laser eye surgery.
Again with the expensiveness. Also, recovery time, risk, eligibility, blah, blah, blah.
So you’re stuck with…UGH. GLASSES.
Unless, y’now, you want to walk around in a blur and possibly smash into a wall.
My fellow four-eyes, this one’s for you. Here are 43 woes you face as a glasses-wearer.
43. Pictures of you look like a J.J. Abrams movie.
Can you say ‘lens flare?’
42. Unless…”Oh, oh no, a picture, let me whip off my glasses!”
“Can we take it again?”
You can’t find a safe spot to put them, you can’t see anything clearly, you mix up your conditioner and shampoo, you miss spots when shaving…
Or you try to wear them and they get foggy and wet and you can’t see anything anyhoo.
40. Roller Coasters.
Wear them: Spend the whole ride freaking out that they’ll fly off and end up in someone’s soda. Scarier than the loop-de-loop.
Don’t wear them: The whole ride is a blur. Not to mention trying to find a place to stick ‘em. Pants? Squished. Cubbies? Stolen. Bra? Awkward.
Wear contacts: Can you say dry eyes?
Bonus: If you’re terrified of heights, at least you won’t see anything! But wait, why are you on a roller coaster to begin with?
38. The awkward “Sunglasses Over Real Glasses” move.
Continuing the glasses-on-glasses action. Unless you spring for prescription sunglasses, leading to number 37.
37. Prescription sunglasses = frantically taking them on and off based on sunshine levels.
Don’t get me started on transition lenses…
34. Rain = foggy, drippy, wet glasses. Your whole world is reduced to this.
33. You get desperate enough to think THESE might be a solution.
Ok, no you don’t. But seriously, Hermione? Impervius charm, pls?
30. Masks, halloween costumes, and cosplay all get harder with glasses.
28. Needing to take them off, ‘cause HEADACHE…
27. …but also being afraid you’ll miss out on cool things when they’re off.
Fine, something’s happening, might need to save the world, I’ll ignore the building migraine, I NEED TO SEE.
26. Losing them only to realize they’re still on your [face, head, etc.].
This, I’m embarrassed to say, has happened to me. More than once.
25. Waking up in the morning and forgetting where you left them.
“CRAP CRAP CRAP WHAT IF I STEP ON THEM?”
24. Then finding them in a really obvious spot and feeling dumb.
Like your face. Again.
23. Sigh. There’s nothing quite like the panic of not being able to find your glasses.
Walking becomes a game of Russian Roulette.
20. …and you feel more than a little helpless without them.
19. Your prescription KEEPS CHANGING.
Stopping at 21? Yeah right, still changing.
18. Getting new ones: EXPENSIVE, A HASSLE, AND JUST NOT FUN.
Unless you just need reading glasses. Or you’re David Grohl. Or both.
17. Finding a perfect frame feels like a magical, Cinderella moment. Until you see the price.
Then you weep.
16. You spend a good hour bumping into things trying to adjust to a new prescription.
“It’s, it’s so CLEAR.” *Bump* “Excuse me!” *Bump* “Crap, sorry!”
15. Needing to take them off to clean ‘em.
14. When people are like “You’d look so great without glasses!”
But, but, but secret identity?
…but you’re like “Bitch, please, I look good in everything.”
Including mah specs.
13. Needing special pairs for scuba diving, sports, going to the movies with Julia Roberts, etc.
Popcorn in the eye is no joke.
12. Trying to enjoy the beach.
Frolicking in the waves? More like tripping over things, mistaking seaweed for giant crustaceans, and missing out on the beauty surrounding you. Also, the beach is a dangerous place for specs - I still haven’t forgiven Virginia Beach for eating a pair of my glasses ten years ago.
11. When you forget that you’re wearing contacts and try to put on your glasses anyway.
You get to the point where you feel naked without them.
I might be a geek, a nerd, and a bookworm, but for the love of Shakespeare, it’s not because of my glasses.
8. When people think it’s cute to steal them. Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny.
It’s not like I need those to survive.
7. Sometimes, they make you feel like a dweeb…
No, no wait, that’s just you being you.
I’m looking at you Chris Pine.
6. …while other people manage to look like bespectacled sex gods.
Curse you Matthew Gray Gubler!
5. People asking if they can try them on. Hahahaha. No.
“Wow, your eyesight is so bad!” Hahahaha. Yeah. I know.
4. Trying to take a nap.
Spontaneous sleeping becomes less spontaneous when you have to figure out a safe spot for your glasses. Or, it really is spontaneous and you wake up to mangled glasses and funny marks on your face.
3. Forgetting how to glasses when drunk.
2. …and then losing them.
“Last night was all a big blur and so is this morning. Different reasons.”
(To be fair, if you’ve got the right frame for your face and treat them carefully, this shouldn’t be so much of a problem, especially if you avoid the hipster plastic frames.)
I’m not sure how rdj got to be all over this list, but I’m not complaining, because rdj.
To sum it up, glasses can be a pain the ass.
But y’know what? In your heart-of-hearts…you’re kind of fond of them.
It’s sort of like Stockholm Syndrome.
So go on and rock your specs.
Haters gonna hate.
(Sometimes you’re the hater)
(SOMETIMES YOU HATE THEM SO MUCH)
And remember, without them…
- Boston is no longer pursuing a bid to host the 2024 summer Olympics.
- The Arizona Cardinals have hired the NFL's first female coach.