42 Signs You Went On Birthright

When you found out you were going on a free trip to Israel, you had no idea what to expect. What transpired turned into the most amazing, culturally significant vacation of your life with 40 friends you’ll never forget.

1. 1. You slept more on the bus than you did in your hotel room.

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ID: 1512330

3. 3. Your tour guide had such a deep knowledge and connection to Israel that you question whether or not he was actually part of the Torah.

ID: 1512332

4. 4. If the rabbi you had in Hebrew school was as cool as the one on your trip, you would’ve paid a lot more attention.

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5. 5. Every day, you hiked at least 5 miles up a mountain… before lunch.

ID: 1512344

6. 6. Without your swanky orange nametags, there was a 0% chance you remembered everyone’s names.

ID: 1512342

7. 7. For lunch, your options were:

a) Falafel with hummus
b) Shawarma with hummus
c) Hummus with hummus
d) All of the above

ID: 1512348

8. 8. When they tell you to drink as much water as humanly possible, they REALLY aren’t kidding.

ID: 1512358

9. 9. Because the hiking just never ends and your average daily mileage approached “Moses wandering the desert” levels.

ID: 1512359

10. 10. Seven miles, 15K steps, and 2000 daily calories burned later, the first night out reminded you how beautiful Jewish girls can look when they have a few minutes to get ready.

ID: 1512361

11. 11. You also realized every Jewish guy’s wardrobe consists entirely of J.Crew, Banana Republic, and Lacoste.

ID: 1512366

12. 12. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, EVERYBODDDDY.

ID: 1512368

13. 13. You received an elaborate education on key Hebrew words, phrases, and expressions.

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14. 14. For example, every night you got to party you went “La Panim.”

ID: 1512371

15. 15. You became a regular with the hotel bartenders and lived up to their stereotypes about American drinking habits.

ID: 1512372

16. 16. The next morning though… “Al Hapanim.”

ID: 1512375

17. 17. You heard incredible stories from people around the world who share an amaaaaaaaazing passion for Israel and whose personalities can only be described with one word… Trippy.

ID: 1512378

18. 18. Slappin’ and schmearin’ suntan lotion became a routine morning activity.

ID: 1512380

19. 19. You appreciated the beauty of the Tel Aviv beaches and the warmth of the Mediterranean Sea…for the 30 minutes you got to spend there.

ID: 1512382

20. 20. Achla Hamuda was your jaaaaaaaaaaaaam, even if you only knew five words to it.

ID: 1512386

21. 21. Your group regularly disappointed the trip leader/bus mom (aka The Shlucha), with your inability to count from 1 to 40.

ID: 1512394

22. 22)Your bus driver’s ability to make three-point turns while on a 50-degree angle on the side of a narrow mountain path made you question what he did before he was a bus driver.

ID: 1512398

23. 23. On the bus you had one Israeli soldier with a gun acting as your guardian angel… because at the end of the day, you’re still in the Middle East.

ID: 1512401

24. 24. From Ashkelon to Tiberius, lurking around every corner, you had the sneaking suspicion that waiting to attack you were… CATS!

ID: 1512403

25. 25. You got used to being surrounded by danger, and when you made an unknown turn around a cliff and shouted “YOLO,” it was actually relevant.

ID: 1512408

26. 26. Sharp jagged rocks in the distance? Yeah, let’s climb those in our Havaianas.

ID: 1512414

27. 27. Excuse me, Rabbi: Can you please explain what a “Mikvah” is just one more time?

ID: 1512419

28. 28. With such an incredibly thought out and planned schedule, the hardest decision you had to make each day was what to wear.

ID: 1512422

29. 29. It took nine days to realize no matter how clearly you expressed your desire for black coffee with ice cubes in it, you would get milk-filled mocha slushy (and would drink it anyway).

ID: 1512424

30. 30. But seriously, do we need water shoes?

ID: 1512429

31. 31. Everywhere you went, the most commonly asked question was, “Is there free Wi-Fi?”

ID: 1512433

32. 32. Between meals, it was always chip-o-clock, and, excessive trial and error led to one conclusion:

Green Doritos > everything else

ID: 1512436

33. 33. You realized your new Israeli friends were just like you, except with a better Borat impersonation.

ID: 1512439

34. 34. Walking around the Mahane Yehuda market (The Shuk) in Jerusalem, you were convinced you were on the set of Homeland.

ID: 1512443

35. 35. Protecting borders, surviving wars, and developing advanced military technology are all impressive… but nothing is more impressive than chocolate with Pop Rocks inside.

ID: 1512450

36. 36. On the one day you visited Yad Vashem, the military cemetery, and said goodbye to your Israeli’s, you were like… “Really! Really? OK fine, I give up, have all of my tears you sadistic bastards.”

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37. 37. Despite the warnings and precautions, you still managed to get cuts all over your body and feel the fiery wrath of the Dead Sea.

If you can read this right now, it means your eyes finally stopped burning.

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38. 38. You developed a deep fear and respect for your camel, who may or may not be named Carlsbad, over the 10 minutes you spent with him.

ID: 1512460

39. 39. That one night in the Bedouin tents gazing at the stars finally gave you a reason to use those free astronomy apps you downloaded years ago.

ID: 1512465

40. 40. Despite it being a “free trip,” by the last day you had less than 20 shekels in your pocket.

ID: 1512467

41. 41. When the trip was finally over and it was all said and done, you strongly considered leaving the airport, joining a kibbutz or the IDF, and making Aliyah.

ID: 1512469

42. 42. But even if you didn’t, you’ll never forget the good times you had, the amazing people you met, the memories we created, and the squishy feeling in the bottom of your water shoes.

ID: 1512471

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