22 Things Renaissance Faires Do Better Than The Real World

1. Food.

Nearly everything is eaten with your hands, from bacon on a stick to cheesecake on a stick to turkey legs on a stick (actually bones).

Source: flickr.com  /  via: shiwoo

Food is just better on sticks.

Source: Bradley Gordon  /  via: bradmanda.com

2. Booze.

Not only does wine made from honey exist, it’s called mead and you can get it at Renaissance Faires. It is criminal that it’s not more widely available.

Frank Kovalchek / Creative Commons

Source: flickr.com  /  via: flickr.com

3. Bartenders.

When the bartender at your local watering hole hears you’re having your first drink, does he make an elaborate oral sex joke out of it and get everyone to yell “Huzzah!” for you when you’re done?

Source: youtube.com

Or does he pour you half a shot of watered-down well vodka?

Source: youtube.com

4. Hats.

While we’ve been pretending fedoras work on anyone other than the employees of Sterling Cooper Draper Price, Renaissance Faires have been rocking tri-corner pirate hats for years.

Source: Frank Kovalchek / Creative Commons  /  via: flickr.com

5. Coffee.

Where would you rather go: A Starbucks where snarky baristas will roll their eyes at you, or ye olde Cappuccino Inn?

Source: thegloss.com

6. Smoothies.

Smoothie King, same question.

Source: thegloss.com

7. Politics.

When the Ren Faire’s Queen of England and King of Spain have a disagreement, they don’t send diplomatic envoys or hold boring debates. They get a bunch of serfs to dress up and chess-battle each other, hilariously.

Source: Joppo Kelin / Creative Commons  /  via: simalem

8. Sports.

Watching two jousters ride full tilt at each other on horseback with spears beats the hell out of any Super Bowl in recent memory.

Source: reddit.com

Seriously, can we make this a sport again? If “horse dancing” counts, then this is a shoe-in.

Source: reddit.com

9. Family crests.

This brony crest kicks way more ass than whatever fleur-de-lis shield your family had five generations ago.

Source: reddit.com

10. Personal heralds.

Why did we stop having people announce when we arrived anywhere? Whose idea was that?

Source: The Q / Creative Commons  /  via: theqspeaks

11. Children’s activities.

Archery > hopscotch.

Source: reddit.com

12. Childcare.

Source: reddit.com

13. Punishment.

Source: Quinn Dombrowski / Creative Commons  /  via: quinnanya

14. Music.

Go to one Pub Sing and you’ll get it.

Source: Rowan / Creative Commons  /  via: flickr.com

15. Work.

There are ACTUAL BLACKSMITHS.

Source: David R Tribble / Creative Commons  /  via: en.wikipedia.org

16. Living rooms.

This is straight-up lounging. The best you can do on a pull out couch is chilling.

Source: Joan / Creative Commons  /  via: pipdiddly

17. Etsy.

Tons of local craft-makers and artists set up permanent huts to sell their unique, one-of-a-kind wares in.

Source: Alexey Sergeev  /  via: asergeev.com

It’s like an Etsy you can walk through.

Source: Alexey Sergeev  /  via: asergeev.com

18. Church.

Whatever you worship, it’s better to do it here.

Source: Alexey Sergeev  /  via: asergeev.com

19. Architecture.

Via: bungledjungle.com

20. Jewelry.

Source: reddit.com

21. Boners.

(It’s a codpiece.)

Source: reddit.com

22. Boobs.

Hope you’re a fan, because there are corsets EVERYWHERE.

Source: Patty / Creative Commons  /  via: psexypsychic

Source: reddit.com